I finally saw Eric today. Aside from contacting him to pay him yesterday, I've been putting it off. I had this stupid idea that if I left the apartment *he* could get back in and lock ME out so I've just been sitting around looking out the window and wandering around thinking. Over that! So I called yesterday and asked him to come for our regular appointment today.
He's not stupid. He knew stuff was up. But he sensed I didn't want to talk, so just acted like everything was normal and talked about this and that like he always does, but looked at me with these really caring concerned eyes which was actually kind of hard to take.
So we went running. And the cold felt good. Eric is tough, he seriously whips my ass every time and that felt good too. Physical pain for a change, you know. Except then suddenly it got too much and I pretty much sat down in the street and cried. The poor guy! Men don't do emotions and Swedish people don't do emotions so you can kind of guess how a Swedish man handled a woman he doesn't really know that well suddenly becoming a soggy mess of pain. He kind of petted my shoulder a little bit. And told a really bad joke about a time traveler which I didn't really get but for once I didn't care about feeling stupid.
Then it was like all the crap was let out and I was okay again. I just got up and carried on and he was so relieved I think he nearly cried!
Then we got back to the apartment, and something weird happened. I don't even know how to describe it and I am NOT the kind of woman who jumps from one man's bed into another's and there was definitely no bed stuff in the middle of the street when it is minus 8. But. There was a moment, and a touch that might have been an accident but I think we all know it wasn't.
Crap. I don't want to hurt the guy, but I don't know if I'm ready for this. I was married TWO DAYS ago. I'm not going to mope around for the rest of my life, but I'll maybe take the weekend, you know? Or will that mean missing my chance on a damned hot sorbet?