Monday, February 28, 2011


Talked to Eric for real today. Man he is a truly good guy. Feels good to remember they're out there, you know? Couldn't get in to working out, and said I was just going to go home but he suggested coffee. Fika. So we fika-ed. ;-) Told him what's going on and he was just so great. A real friend, maybe. He listened and didn't judge or comment, just was there for me and told me I deserve better. Then he walked me home and hugged me and I felt relaxed and good and I know I know I don't need to be getting into anything else (I was joking about the sorbet – bad idea) but if there is something really between us then it will wait until I'm ready. Assuming Flirt Girl doesn't snap it up first of course. I don't need to be thinking about this right now. He's a friend, that's what's important.

I changed the locks again. I should ask those guys to give me a loyalty card.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Honesty Snow

The problem with snow that just lays on the ground for months and months, is that it shows all the grime of the city, and its dogs and its drunk people. Regular sidewalks don't show that stuff up, so you can pretend it's not there, but when there are great white piles of snow everywhere, you can't miss all the crap. I went for a big walk today, and I kept thinking that Stockholm right now needs one of those whiter than white washing powder commercials.

That's the problem with my life right now. If I couldn't actually see the dog pee and dirt and worse stuff in my marriage maybe I could pretend it wasn't there. But it's been snowing, and it's showing up all the nasty stains.

Or maybe our roomate is back, and he doesn't pay rent.

Or maybe I'm done with stupid metaphors and I lied about something this week to you guys and I'm sorry but I felt so stupid.

He's messed with me for the last time.

So it's done. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, or whatever. Again. Dammit.


I'd like it here a lot more if there weren't so many damn people everywhere. I know, I know that America is a big place with a lot of space and Sweden not so much, I get why everyone is crowded into tiny spaces, I just wish I could walk round a corner one time without crashing into somebody and saying 'sorry' then remembering and yelling 'förlåt' after them then feeling like a moron because by then they're gone and they probably didn't even care. It's not like they don't know what 'sorry' means.

I went to a movie last night, I just needed to get out of my head for a little while. First off, I don't know how you're supposed to tell whether a movie is subtitled or dubbed and I was scared to buy a ticket for something in case I got stuck in the theatre watching some weird Swedish voice come out of Colin Firth's mouth or something. So I asked the little usher guy and what do you know, it was the second person I've met who didn't speak English! So I figured I'd take the chance and worst case I could just look at Colin Firth for a couple hours and that would help a little bit. Luckily it turned out that it was English with Swedish subtitled so I didn't have to bother getting so worked up. The movie was good, really funny and sweet and I wouldn't even have recognised Helena Bonham Carter not dressed up nearly as weird as usual if I hadn't already read she was in the movie. 

But, it turns out that you get assigned a seat in a movie theater on your ticket, and if you are a stupid American who didn't realise that so you just sit down wherever, they are Not Happy. So I got yelled at in Swedish for the second time this week.

On Wednesday I was trying to cross the street, like I have been doing unescorted for a good 20 years now, when these little kids wearing luminous orange jackets yelled at me. Seems jaywalking is frowned upon by people under 4 feet. They were Not Happy.

So now I am Not Happy. I've got a big choice to make. I am NOT going to slink back home like some loser for everyone to laugh and say they told me I couldn't cut it and they warned me about Him and blah blah. But I don't know if I can cut it in Sweden by myself.

Definitely not if people keep yelling at me!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The truth

I'm about to do something that I'm probably going to regret.  But I'm going to do it, and live with whatever consequences it brings.  I don't know for sure that there's a net to catch me, but sometimes you've just got to jump.  Here goes.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Fairy Tale...

... ages ago I posted that I thought the little old buildings and crooked streets and cobblestones round here was like a fairy tale village.  Today it's been snowing but it's also sunny so it looks as though glitter is being sprinkled all over Södermalm, and it's just yummy and beautiful.

I just had a lunch date with the hottest guy I know.

Okay okay, will stop the cheese-fest soon.  Am making myself puke!!

It was for me

Not that there was much by the time the poor guy got home.

Seems that right after I skedaddled out of the market to beat him home, he got a call about a work disaster.  So he had to dash back to the office carrying all the shmooshy sh*t, which actually might not be a bad thing because apparently Office Crush Girly was there and saw it and obviously got that it was for his wife who he loves. 

By the time he got home, the lobster had been out of the fridge for a while so was maybe a little sketchy, so we had the chocolates and the wine which I really couldn't complain about.  Feeling the way I did in the couple of hours before he got home made me realize that (like some lovely commenters have been saying) I need to let go of this if this second chance is going to have a chance.

So I did.  I'm officially re-joining the ranks of the "Love Refugees" (even though my guy is as American as apple pie!)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

He's not home yet

Is it too embarrassing to call the same locksmith again?
I hope it's for me.


Signs you know your husband knows he's in the doghouse:

You're going for a walk (maybe venturing out to procure a little Dill chip action, maybe not) when you see a really familiar figure who's not usually in your neighborhood this early in the evening.

Then you see him walk to the flower tent thingy in Medborgarplatsen that always amazes me they manage to keep any flowers alive in this weather.  You see him walk in and you can't follow him cause it's a pretty little tent so you hang outside Södra Haller... thingy... and just watch to see what happens.  And he comes out with the most beautiful bunch of wildflowers (which just so happen to be your favorite) that even though it's 5pm in Sweden in the winter the whole world suddenly seems bright and sunny.

You dive back out the way (feeling kind of like a spy in a bad 60s cold war movie) and watch as he goes into the market with all the gorgeous stalls of fancy food.   Of course you creep in after him, now also looking like the spy in a bad 60s cold war movie, and wishing you had a trench coat and trilby even though you'd freeze your ass off in a trench coat and trilby.

He buys lobster (love!) and fancy chocolate (love! love!).  And wine from the crazy Swedish liquor store why you buy it from the government or something.  And somehow the way he holds the flowers really carefully as he adds packages to his load just makes your heart really melt because it reminds you of how he holds you sometimes, and maybe he's thinking the same thing.

Then you realize he's about to leave and you have to fly like the wind (if the wind skidded on ice and swooshed about two meters and nearly toppled down the concrete steps and broke its ass but just caught itself in time) so as to beat him home and wait to be spoiled!!

Maybe Valentines is on 23 Feb this year....

On the theme of...

Being 12... 

I will never get over getting the giggles when I have the TV on in the background while I'm doing housework and I hear a commercial for...

Pronounced just how you think. 

Now that's a competition I'd like to vote in...

Okay, returning to being a grown up in 3... 2...


12 for the Morning...

So this morning, I'm running with Eric in temperatures that give me an ice cream headache just from breathing, and trying really hard to pretend that everything is cool and normal between us when actually it's still kind of weird and I don't really know what to do about it...

Anyway.  I don't know why I'm seeing so many weird things to do with dogs right now, I'm not even that much of a dog person (don't shoot me, everyone thinks that people who aren't crazy about dogs must be evil serial killers or something and I swear I'm not, I just like only being licked or sniffed when I give permission).

So, we're jogging along and I ask if we can stop for a little breather and he agrees.  We stop right by two moms with strollers (kids in them, not dogs) and the moms are chatting away happily and the kids are gurgling or doing whatever tiny Swedes do, and each of them have a little yappy purse-dog on a leash.  And the dogs are totally doing it.  And obviously the kids don't care and the moms don't seem to notice, so they have their chat and the kids gurgle and the dogs have a pretty good time.  The the one mom decides she has to go, so she yanks boy dog off and starts walking and girl dog is clearly like THANK YOU and she leaps right into the stroller and sits there like 'phew'.  And the mom with boy dog has to carry him under her arm while he thrashes about barking with the kind of anger you'd expect from anyone who'd just been seriously you-know-what-blocked except he could fit in the palm of my hand so the fury isn't quite as intimidating as you get the impression he thinks.  Girl dog has gone to sleep by this point in the other stroller.

And Eric and I are laughing our asses off like 12 year olds.  We tried to start running again, but we were laughing so hard our legs were weak (well mine were partly from the work out but he doesn't need to know that) so we would have to stop and crack up.  I think the tension is broken between us...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Weird Swedes

And I mean that in a good way.

Right now, it's -12.  Snow just stopped.  What can I hear outside?  The ice cream van.

Either that or it's a regular van playing a tune with would be just as awesomely weird.

Tuesday Randomness

I hope I'm doing this right...

* I'm looking out the window and the building opposite is this kind of teracotta orangy colour and the sky is blue and there is snow everywhere and I never thought I was artistic but I feel somehow moved by what I can see even though I suck at describing it...

* I made a decision to not make a decision at the weekend and feel okay about it even though I know it's kind of like taking a Tylenol for a broken leg, and probably I'll get gangrene

* I care way too much about the love lives of strangers

* I spend way too much time online right now, and kind of know that this blog is the social life I don't have on this continent yet

* My mom always smells like cookies, even when she hasn't just made any

* when I was 16 I got in a huge fight with my parents and drove their car to Chicago then didn't know what to do so just drove back

* I don't always say what I mean

* Sometimes I get annoyed with people for speaking their own language in their own country, and yes I already know that makes me a jerk

* I had a little groupie phase once upon a time, although really I would listen to pop any day of the week

* ETA: I saw a guy pushing a stroller.  Not weird in Stockholm because pretty much all guys push strollers here, but this stroller contained two puppies.  Not sure if they couldn't walk in the snow or Swedish men just really like pushing strollers even if they don't have kids...


Handy tip for if you want to keep your good mood going:

Don't put freaking filmmjolk in the cup of coffee you've been looking forward to for about a year.

It does not make you happy to be in Sweden.


Speaking of... dill flavored chips.  What the what is that about?  Not dill pickle flavor, but dill.  The herb.  What's next - parsley flavored chips? 

The sun came out

In more ways than one.  Today it's been snowing really heavily and in between sunshine and it all looks so beautiful and glisteny and like a fairytale that I'm somehow, weirdly despite everything, happy to be here.  Sometimes I think life was too easy back home - I know how weird that sounds and I haven't suddenly become all Swedish and enjoy being depressed, but somehow all the challenges of the last few weeks, from the tiny basic things like not being able to read the back of a pack of pasta to work out how to cook it, like the most major wobble in my marriage in a long time, I feel alive.  Shitty and freaked out and mad as hell sometimes, but really, really alive. 

Monday, February 21, 2011

Thinking about

Session with Eric tomorrow.  Is it going to be weird?  Maybe we can pretend the moment didn't happen, but I still cried all over him and didn't tell him why.  I wonder if he's sitting dreading it too?  Or is he out doing young hot person things and won't even remember I exist?  Maybe my flab isn't so bad, or maybe I should get one of those machines that gives you electric shocks while you watch TV and get hot that way.

Or maybe I'll think about a different, easier Eric for a little while:

Still obsessed...

...with Blog Girl's famous guy.  Don't judge me.  I get to be a little nuts right now.

Am liking this guy:

Weirdly, given I randomly posted a photo because he was in Swedish costume, but when a lovely commenter told me who he was I googled a little:

Musician, big time into groupies etc, so for sure heartbreaker
Seems more like her age and like they'd go to the same parties etc
Famous, but not stratosphere famous
Not married
Cheesy - (anyone else want to puke at how she describes their "romance"???)

Sunday, February 20, 2011

For Now

He's here.  Asleep in our bed like nothing ever happened.  We talked all weekend and didn't really say anything, but in the end I agreed to try to forgive him, whatever that means.  He had time to think up his explanations by Friday, so the texts were from a girl at the office who has a crush and has been spoken to by HR because it's starting to get a little out of hand and he didn't want to worry me with it, and the perfume was from one of the clients who was female and sat near him. 

But I don't know.  He was scared, and that's not like him. 

I think it scared him that I changed the locks.  He was really grateful and emotional when I gave him a new key and it kind of made it clear what our relationship is for right now.  I'm ALLOWING him an opportunity to make me forgive him, and it's his to blow.  I think he'd forgotten who he married a little bit, and somehow it made it so I could dial the badassness back, so I started to listen, because he'd got it.

I didn't confront him with the thing I know about blog girl (Famous Guy isn't her only, basically), and I don't really know why.  Keeping ammunition?  Or scared that it would leave me no choice?  Because that's the thing, really.  That's why he's here right now: I'm not ready to not be married yet. 

I don't know yet whether I buy all his promises and explanations but Friday was like I was standing at the edge of a cliff and this whole world of being single again was looming below me and I was excited and I kind of wanted to jump, but at the last second remembered I didn't have a parachute so decided to stay on solid ground for right now. 

But I'm mad.  I am so, so mad.  It's like we have this new roommate and it's rotting and gargoyly and it stinks like hell and it sits there burbling in the corner.  Sometimes this weekend it shrunk back a little bit, went out with its buddies and gave us a little space, but it lives here now and it's not moving out any time soon.

Friday, February 18, 2011

I answered the phone

He's coming over.

Kill him or take him back? 

I'm 50/50 right now.  America, you decide.  Lines are open now...


The guy who gets the taste of the last one out of your mouth...

If I'm not allowed Eric can I have this kid?  Only if he wears his bandana!
I finally saw Eric today.  Aside from contacting him to pay him yesterday, I've been putting it off.  I had this stupid idea that if I left the apartment *he* could get back in and lock ME out so I've just been sitting around looking out the window and wandering around thinking.  Over that!  So I called yesterday and asked him to come for our regular appointment today.

He's not stupid.  He knew stuff was up.  But he sensed I didn't want to talk, so just acted like everything was normal and talked about this and that like he always does, but looked at me with these really caring concerned eyes which was actually kind of hard to take. 

So we went running.  And the cold felt good.  Eric is tough, he seriously whips my ass every time and that felt good too.  Physical pain for a change, you know.  Except then suddenly it got too much and I pretty much sat down in the street and cried.  The poor guy!  Men don't do emotions and Swedish people don't do emotions so you can kind of guess how a Swedish man handled a woman he doesn't really know that well suddenly becoming a soggy mess of pain.  He kind of petted my shoulder a little bit.  And told a really bad joke about a time traveler which I didn't really get but for once I didn't care about feeling stupid.

Then it was like all the crap was let out and I was okay again.  I just got up and carried on and he was so relieved I think he nearly cried!

Then we got back to the apartment, and something weird happened.  I don't even know how to describe it and I am NOT the kind of woman who jumps from one man's bed into another's and there was definitely no bed stuff in the middle of the street when it is minus 8.  But.  There was a moment, and a touch that might have been an accident but I think we all know it wasn't. 

Crap.  I don't want to hurt the guy, but I don't know if I'm ready for this.  I was married TWO DAYS ago.  I'm not going to mope around for the rest of my life, but I'll maybe take the weekend, you know?  Or will that mean missing my chance on a damned hot sorbet?

New day

He called last night about a hundred and twenty times.  I didn't answer.  I felt like I was in high school again, you know when you would screen the call and let all your friends hear and know the guy was sweating?  Except I didn't have any friends to hear, but I knew the guy was sweating so it was good enough.  He doesn't get the concept of one strike and you're out, he was all wanting to talk and explain (explain what?  I know how it works!  My mom bought me a book when I was 10!) and we can't leave things like this and I'm his world and he was so stupid and he'll never forgive himself and he's cracking up and he's not with her (he even tried denying there was a her - moron!) he's in a hotel on his own just thinking about me and freaking out.  Whatever.

You don't mess with me.  I warned him.  You think I didn't know his reputation when he followed me around for months begging me for a chance?  You think I didn't tell him that I wasn't like the skanks he usually dated and if he didn't treat me like I deserve every second for the rest of my life he was G O N E?  Don't say nobody warned you buddy.  Nobody takes me for a fool, not ever.

It was an accident, he said.  I'm sorry what?  Going by that book my mom got me, I don't think that's something you can really do without meaning to.  Like Rachel said in Friends, were you trying to put it in her purse?  Or in a bunch of purses.  Because I've been doing a little nosing around.  Say goodbye to your money and your property and the best thing that ever happened to you, buddy.  Hope they were all worth it!  Have a good day!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Defensive, much?

Okay missy.  Back the *h* off with the name calling, 'kay?  You and I both know what I'm not saying on here.  Yet.
I hope she doesn’t know he’s married.  Because I hope he never had to talk about me.  The thought of them being "together" bothers me less than the thought of him being all like ‘my wife was hot and fun when we married but...’. 

Which reminds me, I paid Eric upfront for six months out of his account today.  I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who will cut  me off but I didn’t think he was the kind of guy who would dive headfirst into some Swedish girl’s pants as soon as we got off the plane, so what do I know.   

I don’t know for sure that it’s Miss Soder blog girl, some of the details add up, others don’t.  It’s probably her but I don’t know. Our conversation didn’t exactly include names and personal particulars.  More curse words and screaming.  Is that the last conversation I’m ever going to have with him?   I want to know so that I can call her up and say just so you know, I’m really fun and cool.  And maybe I’m about to have an affair with my personal trainer who is way hotter than my sloppy seconds you ended up with.  Just so you know.

Single and Fabulous!!!

He's a moron.  That's the worst bit of it.  Okay, there are a lot of bad bits of it, but it's also like - really?  You thought you would get away with that?  I guess he did.  Moron.  You know what else sucks?  It is all so unoriginal.  He has to work late.  Dinner with clients.  Coming home stinking of PERFUME - is this a bad 80s soap?  Unsaved number on his phone that calls 65 million times a day and sends texts like "u+ixxx" .... I mean really?  Right?!!?!?  The wife who pretended to go to sleep with him after his "client dinner" then got up in the middle of the night, smelled his shirt, checked his messages, woke him up and threw him out.  And changed the locks.  Låssmed.  Who knew?  I'm not leaving this apartment.  I made this apartment nice and he doesn't even know where anything his.  Eff him.  Go stay with your girlfriend.  He went.  He hardly even argued with me.  That sucks.  Is it worse that he didn't bother to deny it?  He was shocked I had any idea.  I think he didn't even have time to make something up - this is what I mean: moron.  You're going to have an affair, you're going to have a story ready, right??  Or does he think I'm the moron that he would never need an excuse because I'd never wonder why he reads some Swedish blog or wonder why his secretary is weird with me or his personality changes overnight?  Moving a continent is a big change and all, but I'm pretty sure I didn't have a lobotomy on the plane so I don't know why he did.  It's so OBNOXIOUS to be so moronic and unoriginal.  You think he told her I don't understand him?  That we don't sleep together any more?  That I let myself go?  Yeah.  I think he did.  Because he's reading this whole damn thing off an episode of 90210 or something.  They probably check into hotels as Herr and Frau Smith.   Eff 'em.  I was too good for him when I married him and I'm twenty times too good for him now.  I don't even feel sad, right now.  I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster going up the huge big loop for months now, inching up and up and getting slower and slower and almost slipping backwards and now I finally reached the top and I'm just about to WOOOOOSSSHHH upside down and looping round and corkscrewing and my hair is going to go wild and I'll probably puke but it's better than sitting stuck up there at the top waiting to drop like I have been for months.  OhioGirl is single and fabulous, watch the eff out world.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Guess who "just had clients fly in and I have to take them to dinner sorry baby".
HAVE FUN WITH YOUR CLIENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like it's interesting that she also suddenly popped up on an Alexander Skarsgård fan board (thanks BB13!), though I haven't quite figured what that angle is yet.  I don't think it could be him (is he a heartbreaker??) mostly because I don't know how he could have been in Stockholm recently to see her an no one knew.  Although I guess he doesn't stand out in a crowd quite as much here because half the guys are eight feet tall, but surely someone would have seen??  So is she following me?  Has some other connection to him?  Just likes him as an actor?

I don't know how detectives do it, this is exhausting!!!

Mystery Man

Okay it's officially driving me crazy.  I've spent practically all day refreshing that girl's blog and trying to figure out who her man is - because if I find out who it is and it's not him, then okay, the playing field changes a little bit.

Problem is, she says he is famous in Sweden which doesn't help me a whole lot!  BUT she talks about flights to LAX (where my H works a lot btw) which maybe narrows it down.  Somebody famous in Sweden who travels to LAX a lot.  And who's known for being a heartbreaker.  And was in Stockholm 2 Feb - wasn't that around the time of those bug awards?

Best guess so far.....

But maybe I'm missing some of the clues and also I don't know that many famous Swedish people, so maybe there are other guesses.  Arrrggghhhh!!!

I'm So Tangled...

I've been so wound up like a spinning top the last couple of days (I really feel like one little flick and I would just whirl out of control and trash the apartment then fly out the window or something) that I decided I would take a yoga class today.

I had visited the school weeks ago to ask if there were English speaking classes, and they said not exactly but all of the teachers would translate for me if I needed help, so, fine.  I haven't done yoga in a really long time but I woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to go boxing with the whole world, so I decided to try a quite advanced class to kind of nuke these feelings.  Aggressive yoga... right?!

Yeah I can't do that either.

And I definitely can't do it when the teacher tells everybody what to do, and I just sit there looking pretty like an idiot until she comes over to tell me but by then everyone is in the position so they all get to watch while I get told on my own.  Then I finally do it and the teacher tells everybody the next one... and then I catch up. 

It was like delayed reaction yoga!  I felt like, you know that kid in class who was always day dreaming and the bell would ring and every kid would stampede onto the next class and he would just sit there then be like "oh right...".  That was me today.  Yoga class weirdo.

I feel more chilled out though.

Monday, February 14, 2011

I didn't do it.  I couldn't.  He came in with flowers and weird Swedish chocolates (but nice!) and said he was going to cook us dinner (he brought stuff from the grocery store, I didn't even know he could shop in Swedish!), and he was all smiley and affectionate and how he used to be and I just chickened out.  He asked at one point what was up with me and the words just didn't come.  I've been thinking and thinking of why and I think I just didn't want to hear what he had to say.  I didn't want to hear some explanation that made me feel like a a-hole, and I didn't want to hear him confess, not yet.  Because what would I do?

When in Rome... ?

I need to know more before I can do anything.  Before I got married I used to work for a lawyer, and he always said to never ask a question you don't already know the answer to, and that's what I need to do.   I need to find out the answer (for sure, and have proof) and then I will ask the question.  

And I'd better take up golf first so I have some clubs handy.

He just called.  He knows something's up.  Coming home early, wants to have dinner with me (like I'm not going to know that's weird!).  Confrontation time in 3... 2...
And BTW, I’m pretty sure this is her:
Google translate doesn’t really tell me everything she is saying about my husband, but enough.  Hope they have a great V day together because she deserves him!!
Guess it was a good thing I was asking about Swedish flirting the other day because I guess I am going to be doing some of it!  I don’t care what anyone says, I’m not slinking back home because of him.  Single in Stockholm – bring it!!!!

And BTW – HAPPY EFFING VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Oh crap that shouldn't have happened.  Shouldn't Shouldn't Shouldn't.  How am I so stupid?  Why doesn't life come with a big REWIND button?????

Some things you think you really want to know and it turns out you really really don't.

Everybody speaks Swedish except me!

I am so impressed!!  I really like Malin Ackerman and didn't know she could speak Swedish so well - wow!!  Now I feel even worse that I am so bad!

27 Dresses was a really cute film and I THINK they are talking about it but maybe they are talking about the weather or broccoli!

Ahh... I looked it up and it turns out she IS Swedish.  Now I'm impressed she speaks "American" so well I never noticed her accent!

Stockholm the Series!!

So maybe because of no running or the weather or the fact that I swear we're going backwards and it's getting DARKER or maybe because of something else I don't really want to talk about yet, but the last couple days I've been kind of bluesy.  I don't mean smoking through a silver holder and singing about how my dog abandoned me  (I'm allergic) but just kind of... urgh.  Which I hate because usually I'm a really energetic and positive person!

So, I decided to treat myself to a reality TV marathon!!  I went crazy. I watched The Hills.  I watched The City.  The Rachel Zoe project (I started saying 'bananas' to myself in my head), Kell on Earth.  Jersey Shore.  ANTM, all 70 seasons.  Project Runway.  I mostly like the fashion ones because a million years ago, I was going to be a fashion gal myself (maybe that's why i'm so obsessed with the pants?) so I like seeing what my life might have been like.

Anyway, I started thinking how cool it would be to have a show like the Hills here.  Imagine Spencer in skinny jeans!  And everyone sits around in cafes and talks all day (as far as I can figure out) just like they do, and I understand from Eric that there's a great clubbing and music scene, so you could have characters that did that, and worked in fashion (some of the looks here are really out there which would be fun).  Did they do a Real World here?  I think maybe they did!  And people here are so kind of blunt and passionate that when drama happened it would be DRAMA!  Eric could be in it because he's hot (and I bet his love life would fill a whole series!!), and sometimes it would feature his favorite American client of course.

It would be cool!!  Come on Swedish TV people, make me a show like that!  Oh, and make it in English please ;-)

Winter Wonderland!

I know that snow is snow is snow, but, it isn't!  Maybe because it's snow in a city which I've never seen before, or maybe it's the frozen sea (also never seen before), but snowy Stockholm is pretty darned cool.

And don't drive today in Sweden folks!!!

So I'm thinking no running today.  Bad for detectiving re girlfriend situation (I just want to know!!) but good for my muscles that let's just say don't feel the same way about Eric that I do.  I swear sometimes when I sit down I give a little squeal out loud - good thing I am always on my own!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Swedish Man Pant Syndrome

Why is it that I look at this picture, with the gorgeousnous, and the height and the pecs I could grate cheese on and mostly I think...

Sweetie?  Pull your pants up.

I think I figured it out!

Here is my theory:

In Sweden they wear pants so tight they must have to lie on the floor and wiggle in to them:

They don't need belts!

So when they move to America and start wearing "inexplicably ill-fitting" pants (TM Amanda) - they don't know about belts!

For the avoidance of doubt (yeah I worked for a lawyer once), when it comes to the gentleman above and his pants falling down, there are no problems according to OhioGirl.  No complaints at all!

But still, somebody should tell him about belts.

Okay, for anyone I am boring to death on this subject, I promise this is my last word on Swedish men and their pants!

Unless I ever see Eric without his.

Did I just type that out loud?  No!  There will be no seeing of the Eric without pants.  Ever!  Ahhhh!

More list:

My mom always said I was a princess!!

An actor I think.  I hear he might be short, but he's cute enough to get away with it.

My grocery store buddy!

Actually it's maybe a little dangerous to put somebody on the list that I might run into again, but I figure if he is married too (I think he is) then it would only be a problem if I'm on HIS list, and I'm gonna guess I'm not.

(Stellan's List:
1.  Britt Ekland or somebody like that
2.  Random American Lady who hid behind a newspaper to pretend she wasn't staring at him at Co-op a couple of weeks ago

Ya think... ?!)


Us this morning:

Me: So Eric, any exciting plans for the weekend?
Him: Uhhh... it's my friend's birthday on Saturday
Me: (trying to figure out if he is going with a date) How... do you plan to get there?
Him: (looking at me kind of weirdly) I guess I'll walk.
Me: ... is it a long walk?
Him: (looking at me more weirdly) Not really.
Me: Well, wrap up. 
Him: Okay.

Smile you're on camera!

I just found this link, and this is where I go running with Eric nearly every morning!  Would he think it was weird if I suddenly started jumping up and down and waving so that everyone could see it was us??

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Update:  I no longer think that Eric has a girlfriend, but I think that Girl Who Thinks She's Prettier Than She Is (need to come up witha  better name for her, it'll get old typing all that soon!!) is SERIOUSLY applying for the job. 

We ran into her today again on the street (LIKE she just happened to be there!), and he asked me if it was okay to stop to say hi because it was my training session after all (he is so professional), so of course I said sure because I wanted to see what would happen.  This time, it was obvious I was with him so he introduced me and she said 'hi' about as quickly as a human could ever say that word and gave me this look that would freeze lava.  He introduced me in English because HE is thoughtful like that, and right away she started talking to him in Swedish.  It's not like I cared what they were talking about or anything, but it was kind of rude and I could tell that he was uncomfortable.  Because I've started to learn Swedish I could actually figure out a few words, because once you know how they pronounce things a lot of words are quite similar.  Though I kind of hope I am wrong because I heard them say something like "titta" a bunch of times and I really hope they weren't talking about tits right in the street in the morning because that would be just nasty.

Anyway, what was really interesting about it all was the body language.  I'm really sensitive to things like that because I think you can tell a LOT about how people feel by how they are standing.  And Eric was TENSE.  Big time.  Like I've said, he's super tall and usually when he speaks to me he leans down so that he can hear what I'm saying or whatever, but he was standing really tall like there was a broomstick up his butt or something, so she practically had to leap up and down on a pogo stick to get anywhere near him.  I may be an old married lady, but even I know that if you have to leap up and down on a pogo stick to get anywhere near a guy, it's time to cut your losses.

However.  I found this really neat blog that was talking all about dating Swedish guys and it said that they are really not affectionate and keep their feelings really hidden deep inside.  So maybe that's what was going on?  I wish I could have taken a picture so I could get some feedback on what was really happening, but I think it would have seemed a little bit weird to them.  Either he hates her and wishes she would fall off a cliff, or he's just Swedish - who knows!


Two lovely blogs I've found and who linked to me - thanks guys, you rock!

Warning: they are both in Swedish!  But Google Translate is your friend!  Enjoy ;-)

Jack Spratt Could Eat No Fat...

This is me and Eric out running.  Well in this picture, it looks like we're dancing or something, so just imagine that we're running.  Okay, I'm not as skinny as I used to be but not quite where she is.  But this is our height difference, I swear.

The guys here are SO different to American guys.  For a start, it would not surprise me to see a regular guy wearing this outfit, seriously.  They are crazy stylish compared to American men, and to start with, I was like -- uhh, do any of you like women?  But now I'm getting used to it.

A lot of them have long hair.  Like, a lot.  It's like, I know the whole viking thing was a big deal to you guys, but it was a long time ago, you need to move on.  Or at least get a new hairstyle.  I actually saw a guy yesterday with it half up, like this:

They wear these pants that, I swear, if they needed a medical examination of their man-bits, they wouldn't even have to take the pants off 'cause it's all right there.

See what I mean if you know what I mean...

Then they tuck the jeans into boots.  You read right: they tuck the jeans into their boots.  Which, okay, I do, but I am a woman.  Never in my whole life have I seen a man with his jeans tucked into his boots.  And they were sweater vests and button up sweaters and thick glasses like it's Dress Like Grandpa day - but somehow they are hot!

But skinny.  Skiinneeee.  I'd be afraid of breaking him, if ya know what I mean.

One day, I'm going to be out at Co-op or walking in the park and I'm going to catch eyes with this guy.  And I'll look away because I am married.  But then I'll look back, and he will still be looking at me, and I'll feel a flush creeping all over me because those piercing blue eyes are saying things.  So I'll nod, just the tiniest bit but he'll get it, and I'll start to walk, slowly at first then faster as I realise that yes, it's really happening, he is following me.  I'll get to my apartment and hesitate because, am I really going to do this?  Then I'll see him and know that I am.  And I'll open the door and leave it so he can follow, and we'll get into the elevator and not even look at each other but by now my heart will be racing and every pore in my skin will be tingling because he will be so close.  We'll get into my apartment and without speaking take our coats and boots off and walk into the kitchen.  He will sit at the table and I will think, here?  Really?  In the middle of the day.  But I can see the outline of his chest through his shirt and I have to.  I will take a deep breath, and walk right up to him, boldly, brazenly, and I will make him...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Vintage List

Thinking about those days, this is who I was going to marry until I met DH:

How're you doin'!!


You know how they always say that you have to go out and find love because it's not just going to fall on your lap?  Well they are wrong because love fell on my lap!

This is mmphhghf years ago, back in my youth when I was still cute, I lived with a roommate at the time and we were not exactly best friends, so it was not fun to hang out at home.  Also, you might remember that there was this one episode of Sex & the City where Carrie decides to own being alone and goes to a cafe without a book or any company?

I decided that I was going to do this too! Except there aren't really any sidewalk cafes in Toledo and I would have been pretty bored anyway, so I decided to go to a movie on my own.  Which I didn't really need to explain all of, but you've got it now!

Anyway, there I was sitting in my seat with my popcorn and feeling pretty darn independent and cool (would have only been better if I had a cosmopolitan!) when I SENSED this guy coming up the aisle towards me.  I SWEAR to you I didn't see him, but there was this tingly sensation like I was just about to jump off a cliff.  And then he started shuffling along my row and I was staring at the screen like I was going to shoot a laser into it because I just KNEW and was freaking out inside.  He got right up to me, then I heard the most amazing growly sexy voice say 'excuse me' and he started to step over me, but somehow he tripped up and yep, landed right on me and my popcorn went everywhere!

But I really didn't mind!

Turned out the movie was pretty boring (American Beauty, sorry, didn't get all the fuss!!) and we were practically the only people in the theater so we just talked all the way through.  When the gun goes off (seriously, if you haven't seen it by now you're not going to!) I jumped and he took my hand and I knew I was going to marry him.

And I did!

Monday, February 7, 2011

The List

Not exactly Swedish but I'm gonna go ahead and say he counts now:

Weird but Cool

We went to the fairy tale castle museum yesterday and when we got there a bunch of people were dancing in the hall right in the middle of the afternoon!!

Swedish people are a little bit crazy!!!!


Well that's what it felt like this weekend!

After our lovely dinner Friday night, DH and I hung out all weekend - he even switched off his blackberry - I know!!  We finally explored together and I showed him all the places I love. 

I took him to the Millennium coffee shop (well that's what I call it because I've been told that they were shooting there before Christmas and I always imagine that I am sitting on the seat that Daniel Craig did!). (it's really called Kaffe Bar) I was telling him about the movie and stuff, and it turns out that DH always assumed that they were chick lit books because I am so crazy about them, so I set him straight!  I told him the whole story and he was amazed and really excited to read them. 

So we went to what I call the Harry Potter bookshop on Götgatan because it's all wooden with really high shelves and ladders to reach them and I always think that it could be on Diagon Alley and imagine that all the books are spell books.  They're not all spell books of course, they are regular books, and we bought the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for DH (I have a copy of course, but he wanted his own). 

Then somehow we ended up doing the tour together!  And you know I was really disappointed and thought it was kind of stupid when I did it on my own?  Well somehow it was really fun showing DH around.  I took him to see Blomkvist's apartment, and explained to him how I figured out where the the cars were parked when he was under surveillance (he was really impressed and said maybe I should join the secret police!)  And then I showed him Salander's apartment up on the hill which I am in love with, and he promised that one day he would buy me an apartment there.  And the 7eleven, and their office above Greenpeace!

We ended up at a cosy little bar near our apartment and had a couple of drinks and talked and talked and talked.  We talked to these teenage girls who were at the next table and told them about the tour we had done and they said they haven't even read the books!  Crazy!

I am so lucky to have such a fun husband who is also my best friend!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Snabba Cash

Eric told me today that this is a really good movie:

They're making a US version of it (like they are doing with the Millennium movies, I hear they are going to be shooting in my neighbourhood again in a few weeks!!!) but as one of the guys on my list is in the Swedish version, I guess I'd better watch that one!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I guess Vikings need their beer!

Thank you!

A very sweet reader send me this link which is awesome and hilarious!

Man I have a lot to learn!!!

Edit to add:

Ha ha ha!!! 

Happy Happy Happy

I don't even know what I have been freaking out about the last few days - I've been so silly!  We had one teensy fight and I just panicked like a crazy person and when some A holes commented on this blog saying stuff like he was having an affair, well I just went a little nuts. 

I'm not exactly proud of this but I called the snotty secretary and asked her about his diary for this week and next week, pretending like I was planning a surprise for her anniversary, just so I could see what was up a little bit, you know?  But of course it was all exactly as he told me - I am a truly horrible person for doubting the love of my life even for one second!!

DH came home early that night and whossked me out for an intimate dinner just the two of us and apologised for being so horrible and said he sometimes forgot what a beautiful and amazing wife he had.  He explained that all he meant about Eric is that if we were friends, he would feel less guilty about dragging me across an ocean when he has to work all the time. 

Of course I told him that I understood and was happy to cross even a whole planet or solar system to be with him because he's my honey!  So take that ANONYMOUS and ROSIE - you know nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Things That Suck About Sweden

9. Unfriendly people - would it kill somebody to say 'have a nice day' or even just 'hey how's it going' or something?
8. No Starbucks 
7. The guy at 7eleven on Medborgarplatsen who doesn't speak English - how can you work at 711 and not speak English!  It's an American store!
6. Weird groceries - all the food is in tubes!  They have CAVIAR in tubes!  Don't they have any class?
5. Ice on the sidewalks - people, there has to be a machine that can fix that!
4. Everybody knows each other except me
3. Crappy TV - even the American stuff is crappy
2. Asshole yoga teacher who doesn't BELIEVE I have back problems
1. My husband loved me in America

Commercial Making Fun of Americans

You want to know why I'm not learning to speak Swedish?  This is why!  This is what I sound like! (but I don't look like a sheep)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Go Bajen!!

Okay, so that's the name of the football (soccer) team here, and my trainer Eric has been PRESSURING me to go to a game because he says I won't be a real Stockholmer until I am a Hammarby fan.  I was all like, whatever, soccer is for middle school girls (right?) and he just kept saying I had to check out a game and then I would know.

And then I came across this:

I can give you a ride guys!!

So it looks like I'm gonna be a Hammarby fan.... think they need any cheerleaders?

Not gonna let haters get me down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not Suitable for Work

Oh my... !  It's FINALLY a little bit sunny today so I decided to go for a walk and cheer myself up. I went over to Gamla Stan (old town) to explore because it just looks like such a cute little storybook place!  Which it was to start with.  The streets are teeny tiny, I can't even believe that cars ever got up them - they are narrower than a sidewalk back in the US! And the buildings are all kind of crooked and twisty like witches live there.  

So it was a really lovely morning and I had some tea and a cinamon bun and just felt really happy and THEN!  I was confronted with this!!! ...

I just realised...

This morning in the coffee shop, two hot people were probably making a date or whatever, and this was me:

Last night

I don't even really know where to start.  Okay.  For once in his life, DH got home last night in time to actually have dinner with me so for about the first time since we got here, I didn't eat on my own in front of a DVD. I was super super excited to make a lovely dinner and we would have a really special night just re-connecting, you know?  But, I forgot that I'm married to an asshole.  The dinner didn't turn out because none of the ingredients are the same here, and okay, I got a little upset - I was frustrated because I just wanted everything to be nice!  So we got in a huge fight about I don't even know what and I told him how Eric had been hitting on me (which I know isn't definitely true, I just wanted to get a rise out of him) and he said something really weird, like it would make it a lot easier for him.  What does that even mean?  His wife having an affair would make WHAT easier for him?  I don't even know, we were yelling, and that doesn't even make sense because Chase is the most jealous guy EVER.  When we were dating this waiter one night got a little flirty with me and Chase just about took his head off.  I don't condone violence or anything but it was pretty hot!  So bullshit dude if you think I'm gonna believe that you want something to happen with Eric and me!!

Which it isn't, because I think he has a girlfriend.  After our run this morning, I asked him if we could grab a coffee before we went home because I accidentally bought that stupid yogurt stuff instead of milk AGAIN and needed a coffee or I would die.  So we went into the coffee shop on Götgatan which I really like and I was ordering my coffee when I kind of sensed someone coming towards us.  One of those woman that seems really pretty from a distance but when you look closer she's maybe not that special.  She kissed Eric, just on the cheek but it had a kind of intimate quality, you know?  And they talked for a while - this whole language thing is BAD for my eavesdropping habit!!  So I don't know what they said, they could have been talking about soccer ("football") or onions or tube socks for all I know, but it had a... quality.  You know?  And interestingly, he didn't introduce me.  And because I was ordering at the time she probably didn't even realise that he was there with me.  Why wouldn't he say to his friend - oh that's my client? Because she would be jealous at him training a woman maybe?  I don't like to pry, so I just quietly got the coffee and waited for him outside.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The List

I decided that I needed to update my list.  You know the list I'm talking about, right ladies?  The list.  The free pass list.  It needs a Swedish slant. Here we go:

We'll start with the obvious:
Show me a woman who would kick this guy out for farting, and I will show you a liar.

Trying to figure out a way to take a picture of Eric my trainer so that you can all see who I *have* to get sweaty with every second day... life aint so bad!!

Now, I've been doing a little  bit of Swedish research (what?  it's cultural!) so now I have some new guys to add:

I believe this guy is a soccer player, but any abs I could grate cheese off and make nachos are just fine with me!

This guy was in a TV show I watched recently which I think was pretty good even though I didn't know what the heck was happening:

This whole gelled hair and glasses thing is the look here - don't ask me why!  But I'm starting to get on board with it...

And again with the gelled hair!  Why Swedish men, why!  This guy, I'm hearing is pretty naughty with the ladies, if ya know what I mean!  He just won a Swedish Oscar

So that is my updated list for now.  I'll add to it as I hear of more hot Swedes - the stuff I do for cultural research, I tell you!!  And if I ever see any of these guys on the street, well, they're on my list, so whattamy gonna do?!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


So.  I didn't do it.  I just put it in my bag and I took the subway to his office and didn't look at it once.  When he is ready, he'll tell me what's up. I guess I owe the guy that much trust, right?  In the meantime, I'll just keep on taking care of him like I always do.

He was in a meeting when I got to the office (after I FINALLY found it!  why does every street need to be called gatan?  It's like they're trying to confuse me!!) which sucked because I was kind of hoping we could have a late lunch and hang out a little, but it's not like we planned anything.  I gave the blackberry to his secretary, who, if I am honest here, was kind of snotty with me. I don't know why, she doesn't even know me?  But she kept on speaking Swedish, and okay, fine, we're in Sweden, I get it, but Chase doesn't speak Swedish either so I know she talks English to him.  It seemed like she just wanted to make me feel stupid, you know?  But whatever.

It turned out to be a good thing that he was in a meeting because after I got lost and all, I had to hot foot my ass back to Södermalm in time to meet Eric!  Who then kicked my ass, as usual!  And, I don't know, MAYBE flirted a little.  After meeting that other woman he trains, I'm starting to think that he's just kind of a man-slut which I guess a lot of people are here (I guess it's not really a newsflash:  SHOCK!  SWEDISH PEOPLE ARE REALLY INTO SEX! AND ALSO MEATBALLS!) so it's not as fun as it was before, which is probably for the best as I am married after all.


Okay.  So. 

Situation: Awesome Husband who his wife loves to death has been acting kind of weird since their move to a new country.  Not horrible or anything, just... weird.  He has been under insane pressure re new job etc which is totally understandable, but it's not just that.  He's always under pressure, and this is new.  Wife is worried.

Husband leaves his blackberry, which he barely ever puts down, even in the shower, at home.  Calls wife and asks her to bring it to office.

So far, no biggie.

Here's the thing: if wife is seriously concerned about his mental and emotional well-being and just needs a clue as to what is up so she can help him, does wife look through emails etc?  ONLY to see if she can help?

Advice super needed.