Thursday, June 16, 2011

Midsummer Night Dream!!

Oh my goodness!  So today is one of those summer days in Sweden where you'd think it was fall or something because there are dark clouds everywhere and you're like, umm, June?  I'd like my money back please.

But anyway!  I'm getting used to it, I guess.  The really weird thing is the light until midnight, it just really messes with your head!  I remember going to bed when it was still light out in summer... when I was about 6!  So it feels weird and cool and kind of kid-like to go to bed at adult time and you would practically need sunglasses if you stepped outside!!

It's midsummer next weekend, which I am gathering is a pretty big deal.  It's funny, because at home people are maybe like "oh, it's the longest day of the year today" ... at the most, but by the sounds of it, it's as big as Christmas here.  I guess it's half-Christmas!

I'm hearing about all these crazy traditions, like doing a dance like your a frog (umm okay... you first!) and singing songs and drinking that shnaps stuff which I tried once and it nearly blew my head off.  Maybe the singing takes the edge off?  So it should be interesting!  I guess Erik has plans for us, so I will go along and dance like a frog and sing about liquor because that's the kind of devoted gal I am!!!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Ha ha ha ha

Sometimes it's so fun to poke the crazies.  And no one can "warn" me for it in my own blog, so I get to say whatever I like.  It's so funny to me how people can read one post, completely make up their own version of it in whatever reality they live in, then argue back... and it's like... umm, go read what I actually said, then argue with me.  Go right ahead and argue with me, that's cool, but... don't argue with stuff you made up yourself, because then I can't even join in!  And where's the fun in that?

One post and banned - a personal record, I thank you. 
*takes bow even though doesn't understand what's so terrible about disagreeing with one person but I guess some people see things their way and good luck to them*

Love Is

Understanding that you'll always come second...

At least this one has a mistress I know about... it's a step in the right direction!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Things you need to know about Sweden

Six months I've been living here.  An entire half a year!

What have I learned in this time?


The potatoes and onions are in their own little section around the corner from the other vegetables in Swedish supermarkets.  Who knew?  Not little old me who literally searched for the freaking onions for about AN HOUR when we first got here.

The liquor stores are run by the government which really freaks me out because I don't feel like the King of Sweden or whoever needs to know how many bottles of rose I buy a week, you know?

How can you tell an extrovert Swede?  He's the one looking at someone else's shoes.

Just because men like to wear jeans so tight that you could count the change in their pocket, doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like women.

If you like a Swedish guy and he likes you, don't hold your breath for anything to happen because it will take SIX MONTHS and by then you'd be dead which wouldn't be ideal for a great relationship.

Every meal involves cheese.

When somebody in a store says "hej" to you, this is not an invitation to start a conversation.  You are to say "hej" back.  Not a single word more, or else they will get all freaked out and start to back away like you are a crazy American who wants to be their friend.  Seriously people, "how are you today" does not mean I want to be your best friend forever and have your babies.  Chill!

Monday, June 13, 2011


A good detective always gets her man!  Wait, I think that's the Canadian Mounties.  So what if I'm a Canadian Mountie when it comes to mystery musician guys.  I look cute in red.

Actually, looking at these, I don't feel so bad.  He doesn't look freaked out at all!  Phew!!


OMG I just did something a little crazy.

Oh hell!  But what was I supposed to do?  I've been trying to identify this guy for about a YEAR and he was right there on the street in front of me.

You would have taken a photo too, right?

Remember my rockstar?

I might have freaked him out a little bit, but he's a rockstar!  He's got to get used to fans, yes?  It's fun to be a little crazy!  How else was I supposed to identify him?

If I post the photos here, you guys might know who he is, and then I can go start buying his music... I think he probably wants that, right?  I think it's worth a few moments of "why is that crazy lady taking my photo" ... right???


There are some crazy people with way too much time on their hands!

I keep hearing that the Ex left me and not the other way around... umm, I'm pretty sure I remember it all right and probably know a little bit more than people who were an ENTIRE OCEAN away when it all went down, m'kay?  Seriously, who would argue with somebody about their own life?  What are the chances you are more right than me? 

Just to clear things up for the last time, I will be more honest with you all than I planned to be.  Not that I have been lying or anything, but certain things are hard to lay bare to people, you know?  But I would rather you all knew my truth than the "truth" of crazy haters.  He had a bunch of affairs.  Okay?  That make you happy now?  Last I heard, not that I care a whole lot, he was living with the twinkie secretary who yes, was the one to call me to ask me to come in for the mediation/gotcha session.  His new girlfriend - oh, trust me I get it!!!  I've thought everything you're thinking right now. 

Is it wrong that a little part of me thinks that if he had to move in with somebody it coulda been somebody a little hotter?  I'm not pretending to be a supermodel, but a little conditioner goes a long way, that's all I'm saying.   And also, if she thinks she's his one and only, she is sadly mistaken.  I guess that's her problem now, not mine... good luck sweetie!!

Friday, June 10, 2011


Not that I'm all that interested, but I'm taking a little break from the sun this afternoon (teensy leetle bit burned!!) and having a nose around some of my favorite nooks and crannies on the internet, including some of the love-to-hate favourites, and I couldn't help but notice that my old *buddy* seems to have stopped blogging kind of suddenly:

Hmm.  Can't help but wonder why such an attention-you-know-what so suddenly went underground....

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Mushy Cr*p

All of you who have been saying for months and months that he likes me and I've just been too blind/burned by the &*%^* I was married to/stupid to see were right!  Pat yourselves on the back, whydontcha!!

I can't even believe I ever doubted him and us and our feelings, what was I thinking! 

Saturday, June 4, 2011


I know it's only Saturday, but what a weekend.

What, a weekend.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

How do you solve a problem like Swedish men?

Because... damn!  Okay, so where I come from, a guy likes you, he might hit on you sleazily which is annoying but at least it's clear what he wants, he asks you out, you say sure and the rest is history.  Simple, right?

I'm talking to the lady doing my facial today about the whole Erik situation (yeah it's all blown up, story's a comin'...) and I was telling her all the things he has said and done for MONTHS now that make it clear he is interested in me and yet still he hasn't really made a move.  And she was like "oh sweetie, he's Swedish!  He's probably waiting for you to."  And I was like - umm, no.  Not fair.  We have cramps and waxing and childbirth THEY HAVE TO MAKE THE MOVES.  It's the way of the universe!

I mean, when I say hasn't made a move, of course he has.  Moves have happened.  But we're not dating, exactly.  We're friends who... move sometimes.  Or are we dating Swedishly and I just don't even realise?  It's it all too subtle for this American gal who is used to men who are pretty darned obvious about it if they are dating you?

I've lost patience.  I've lost patience SO MANY TIMES and then I see him again and it's like... oh go on then, you are hot.  And tall.  What is it about tall men that's just irresistible?  And sweet and kind and funny... it all blew up again because he asked me how I was.  And it just knocked me for six.  He asked me how stuff in the US had gone, and said that it had been weird without me for a couple weeks.  So he is interested in my life, missed me while I was gone... is all vibe-y and a little unnecessarily touchy... is this it?  Is this a relationship in Sweden?  Am I supposed to jump all on him?  How do you even make a move on somebody almost an entire foot taller than you?  I would need a ladder or a pogo stick or something, which would not exactly have the subtle effect I would be going for. 

Alan Ball I will hunt you down

If this is an actual indication of what the next season will be like:

It's like a tampon commercial meets Dallas.

What the what the what?

Rip somebody's head off already!