Thursday, April 28, 2011

Popcorn for Thought


Certain things intrigue me.  Now, okay, they're not the most intellectual fascinations, it might be better if I got intrigued by 16th century literature or the history of the Roman empire or whatnot, but whatever.  Sometimes, you need to switch off and be intrigued by silly things.  Shuddup, leave me alone.

Anyway, you might have figured out that I like my little fix of celebrity gossip from time to time.  It's harmless!  I like all gossip actually, whether it's about my friends or their friends or people I've only seen on movie screens (or in fact people I only know from tabloids and don't actually know what they do for a living), it's all the same to me.  I'm not more interested because it's celebrities, I just like to know what's up with people generally, I like to study human nature and relationships and hell okay, fashion.

I get my fix mostly from the net these days because I did try out a few of the magazines here and I found that not knowing what they were saying about people I didn't recognize anyway got old pretty fast.   And actually, the gossip blogs and stuff can actually be more fun because it's more likely they'll be snarky rather than just printing stuff from the person's publicist, and also the comments section can be hours of head-shaking fun at the craziness of people.

So anyway, the question of the day is:  why do certain celebrities get more papped than they should for their level of famousness? 

I know there are rumors about certain people calling the paps and maybe that's just the answer, because otherwise I just can't figure out how this group of people have the bad luck to get caught so often when other people that I (and a lot of other people) would actually be more interested in seeing pictures of can go underground.  And if some of them can go underground and not be sighted for weeks at a time (seriously, I know some sites that scour the internet for sightings of certain people and they are just nowhere to be found) how do they get caught out other times? 

I mean, if Sandra Bullock can hide a whole baby for weeks and weeks, how come Rachel Bilson can't get coffee without being "caught"?

And BTW, blogs that shout CELEBRITIES CAUGHT... and get me all excited that it's going to be something nasty and then after the jump it's ... PICKING UP STARBUCKS really need to look up the word "caught" in the dictionary and be sued for false advertising because it's really not fair for those of us who were excited about seeing something nasty.

Then there's the sort of pap opportunities that seem to be telling a story... are they really, or are we finding answers in innocent photos because we had the questions?  Like when there's rumors of a break-up and suddenly they're seen out together... is it just that they didn't break up so happened to get coffee (and btw why are celebrities forever getting coffee?  It's like it's all they do) or did they plan to get caught out to let people know they're still happily in Hollywood love?




Carbs AND cardio, every time!!!  The universe is all about balance.

As part of my resolution to be kinder to myself, I'm going to woman up and book some training sessions - not sure if there's really a bikini season in Sweden, but I'm gonna get cute for it just in case.

Oh wait, who do I have to call again to train... crap.  No, it will be good!  He's just a really good trainer and sweet guy!  Am a grown up fully in charge of her emotions and hormones and am just looking to get fit and cute.

I'm actually blushing a little bit I posted that.  But I can trust you guys, right?  It's just us girls (and guys)!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


On a sunny spring evening.

Man it stays light late here - already in April it's lighter later than at home in the middle of summer.  I was just told that come real summer, the sun will go down (not like in that movie in Alaska with Al Pacino), but it won't really get pitch dark at all.  Dusk all night.  I'm pretty psyched for that.  And it won't make me as crazy as Al Pacino because I, unlike him, am smart enough to have a sleep mask.  It really bugged me in that movie he never thought of that - woulda saved you a lot of trouble buddy!


Last Easter, we had such a normal day.  Went over to my mom's and my cousin's and their kids were around and as usual we did this weird tradition that I swear my mother made up where the kids have to roll eggs down a hill (seriously, does anyone else on earth do this?).  We exchanged chocolate eggs and had a huge lunch and had coffee out on the deck. 

And then there's this year.  In a few months, I'm not married any more, and there's tensions within my family I don't really want to go in to (not all to do with my marriage, but some) and I had an affair with a giant Swedish guy when I've been with no one but my husband for years, and I speak a tiny bit of a foreign language (well kid myself I do at least) and I have this blog which has been such a comfort and inspiration.

It was a beautiful sunny day here in Stockholm (people say it's unusual for it to be quite this nice this early, but I chose not to hear them) and I sat out on my balcony and I read a book.  My guilty pleasure is the True Blood books (I call them literary popcorn... no real good for you but sometimes they just hit the spot) and I didn't even realize that the new one came out until I happened to notice it in the English-speaking section of a bookstore.  So I sat out and read and felt the sun on my skin and watched the world go by below me, and it was cool.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

You Don't Know Someone Until...

... you have walked a mile in their shoes, or so they say.  Well a mile would take a really long time and probably not be all that interesting, but because a lot of people seem to be really interested in life in Södermalm, I thought it would be fun/weird/cool if you could walk a block in my shoes.

Well not necessary my shoes (though if you want to put on super cute lilac sneakers that just arrived before you click then don't let me stop you!) but... well anyway... just watch the darn video!!!

Sorry I'm not the greatest camera person, but I will try to get better!!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The crazy version of things

A lot of people have been reading this blog a while.

Can I ask you one thing?

Do I seem crazy to you?  Do I seem mentally unhinged or unstable or flat out lost my marbles?  I get mad, sure, I don't think I ever denied that but I think I had a right when what happened happened, no?  I like my gossip and celebrities, sure, but does anyone here think that my "list" is anything more than a joke?  Do you feel like you should warn the guys on it that I might be after them??  Do you?  Seriously, please tell me.

Because that's basically what the %$£&* I used to be married to is telling people.  And people who have known me a long time, are ALEGEDLY believing him.  Because I guess when your wife is kerAZY you get to go off with hot young Swedish things and people SYMPATHIZE with you and think it's a good thing that you are finally getting to have a little fun and relaxation in your life after WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH BEING MARRIED TO A CRAZY PERSON.

But can someone tell me seriously one thing that makes me crazy?  That I have too much respect for myself to put up with his %£$&$@& and I chucked him out the MINUTE I found out?  Even though people here advised me to consider giving him another chance I knew that he had blown all trust and respect between us and I AM BETTER THAN THAT.  Okay fine the balcony scene was a little out there when I locked him out the apartment BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?!?!  And more than that, WAS I THE ONLY PERSON A PART OF THAT SITUATION??

Apparently so.  Apparently the guy whose been flirting it up at parties with desperate wannabe actresses and whatnot and moved in with his SECRETARY (he can't even be ORIGINAL!!!) is a terrible victim in all this and PEOPLE FEEL SORRY FOR HIM.  MY EX FRIEND came over to bring me back home FOR MY OWN GOOD.  Because I can't cope I guess, being crazy and all.  Do I seem to any of you I can't cope?  Because everyone in the world would be totally fine and immediately confident moving to a new country where they SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE and also their husband leaving them?  I'm weird because I had a few little wobbles over that? 

And the fact that I thought it was a little bit cool we were having lunch near a true to life movie star makes me even more whacko.  I guess I am retreating into a fantasy life to deny the reality of what is happening to me.  I guess I am!  I guess I SERIOUSLY think that a MOVIE STAR is FOLLOWING me around his neighborhood tyring to get me to marry his son!!  I guess I seriously meant that and it wasn't a JOKE which people tell sometimes because it's fUNY.  It's not exactly my fault they took out her sense of humor along with all the fat in her thighs!  Guess those lipo machines go a little out of control sometimes N'EST PAS?

Monday, April 18, 2011


I mentioned that I had lunch with a friend on Saturday.  What I really should have said is, I had lunch with a "friend" on Saturday.

Because she's his friend.

And as lunch went on, I realized that she was most definitely not my friend.  Here's what happened:

Friday, I get a call.  "Heeeeeeeey [OhioGirl], guess who?  I'm in Stockholm!"  And I'm like really.  Why?  Because, you need to know that right away, I did not trust this.  This girl, was my friend once upon a time ago a million years ago, then I started dating him, and suddenly she was his friend.  They work in the same industry, so every time we had dinner parties or whatever, they would be locked deep in conversation about they people they knew and stuff.  Not like that, I don't mean anything was going on, just that they were all - oh we're work colleagues, talking about work, you know, important stuff not like the neighborhood gossip you are blathering on about.  Because you know, discussing who is sleeping with who in an office is totally different to discussing who is sleeping with who in a neighborhood.  Way more intellectual.

So when she called, little warning antennas went up, but then I was like, it was all a long time ago, and she did call me, and it would be really nice to talk to another American and somebody from home... and okay, I am a teensy bit curious about the gossip from home about what happened with the Ex and me - I know it's got to be huge and it won't be good for me to hear but I want to anyway.

She wanted to meet for lunch someplace near her (fancy) hotel, but I was like, no, you come to my turf.  Which she agreed to.  Another warning bell.

I felt like I was going into battle.  People round here are pretty casual.  Funky casual, but I can't pull that off so I just go with casual.  I started out when we got here keeping up my usual regime of roots/nails/facials then realized that it wasn't the done thing (once Erik made some comment about how it was funny his little sister wears make up all the time, like it was unusual and weird), so I decided to be natural and Swedish (don't panic though, I still wear clothes!).  But to see Ms X I had to be in full on groomed mode.  I felt like a farmer preparing fields for planting because after all this time, a combine harvester was practically needed.

But we got there, and for once Swedish weather cooperated with me and I met her at this cool bar out in the sunshine and of course a Hollywood star was a few tables away, so I was like - yeah, this is my life now, you make sure everybody back home knows about it.

She didn't know we split up.  What the eff?

She was all like, so where's [Ex] today?  Me... uhh, at his new girlfriend's I guess.

I asked the close people I told not to spread it around, but I a) didn't think they would, and b) didn't think he would keep it a secret.

But nobody knows.  At least, according to her, nobody knows.  Something's up.

There's more, but I have to digest it a little before I can share.  It's all very weird and effed up.  OhioGirl is on her guard.

World's Worst Paparazzi

I know I'm on the lookout for a new job right now, but I think it's safe to say we can rule this one out!  I went to lunch with a friend who was visiting from the US (have to share something about that later, but I'll do the good stuff first) and guess who was a few tables away from me - my old buddy Stellan!  Seriously, it's getting awkward.  I mean, dude, if you want me to marry your son you need come out and ask and stop just following me around ;-)

Okay, dude in black shirt walked past just as I was taking photo.  That's not my fault.

The top of his head.  Ummm... look carefully.

A clear shot!  Kinda.  Should have zoomed in some more, but... well... I didn't.

So anyway.  I can finally prove I saw him and not have weirdos emailing me to say I'm fantasizing my own neighbor.  I mean seriously!  If I was going to fantasize a meeting with that family, it would not be him (sorry, sure he's very nice and all) and there would not be so many people between us... or so many clothes................................. sorry got distracted there.

Actually, the main reason the photos are so bad is that I was really conscious of not bothering him or making it obvious - I mean, dude gets to enjoy Saturday lunch like anybody else, right?  I walked past him when we left and could have got an awesome close up, but he probably would have seen me then and that would a) not have been fair on him and b) I'm a little scared of him.  Somebody with that many kids is going to have a lot of experience in chastizing, right?!  But most importantly, it's just not really the done thing here and I totally respect that.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

A public service announcement

Dear Hollywood,
Us gossip fans are not as stupid as you think we are.  We read the &%$^* you spew out to us and we can smell when it stinks of, ahem, natural fertilizer!  Has there ever been a fauxmance that half the world hasn't called out? 

Random engagement rumors two minutes after they started dating!  Weird body language poses that look like monkeys grooming each other rather than regular people into each other!  "Anonymous insider" observations that she is the hottest sh*t on the planet and he is so into her and she gets hit on everywhere she goes (umm, even if that's true, think a little thing like SHE'S A FAMOUS ACTRESS might have something to do with it?)!  We see through this stuff and it makes us LESS interested in your clients not MORE!

We like to follow actors and artists that we RESPECT.  Who have INTEGRITY and HONESTY.  Or are at least good enough actors to pull off seeming to be in love with someone.  If you have to do this, do better at it!  But don't do it. 

K thanks.


It's Thursday

Meeting with the ex today with lawyers and lawyers dialing in from the US.  Fun! Fun! Fun!  It's not even Friday.  Sorry for putting that song in your head, but misery loves company.
Am hearing a rumor my rockstar crush is a pr plant - I'm not one of those bloggers, sorry!  Seriously, what is with the world when people are so cynical?   Some things are real and regular... conspiracy theoryists chill the eff out!  I'm just a music fan!!!!

Kinda bored of him seeing as I haven't been able to find anything else out.

Erik will be here in a little while to chase me up some hills so better go get dressed!  The Swedes may be chilled with nakedness, but not sure they're ready for me jiggling and wobbling around the streets of Södermalm before they've had lunch...

Monday, April 11, 2011

Things That Suck

... not about Sweden but in life!

1.  Movies that aren't as good as you thought especially if you were looking forward to them
2.  Clothes that mysteriously shrink when you have been avoiding working out because of a awkward situation with your trainer and also eating a lot of chocolate.  Thinking of suing clothes manufacturers.
3.  Rockstars that disappear like Cinderella and don't even leave their shoe behind for you to try to find them
4.  Men that don't make sense.  So, men.
5.  People that don't forget stuff from a million years ago - get over it!
6.  People who decide you are insulting them or being mean even when it's all in their head and you weren't even paying attention to them
7.  Unreasonable ex husbands and the lawyers that won't let you shoot them
8.  People who think they are a lot more interesting/special than they are
9.  Fake people
10.Recipes that don't work out even when you followed them perfectly

The List...

So badly needing updating!

A little young and cutsey, but doncha just want to pinch those cheeks?

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Celebs in my Neighborhood!!

OMG I just saw Stellan again! At least, I'm like 99% sure, I was walking pretty fast and there was no way to slow down to get more than a passing glance at him without being super obviously rubbernecking! The stupid thing is, I was planning on going to the place where I saw him to sit out in the sun and have me a glass of wine (don't want to say where, I don't know whose reading this so don't want a hoard of people running down there because of me!!) but when I saw him I panicked and kept walking in case he thought I was just going in there because of him (even though I'm pretty sure he didn't see me) and now I'm home with no wine! Oh well.

 He was wearing aviator sunglasses, and looked pretty Hollywood, even though he was talking to a little dude (his little dude?  Can't he sure) which was also cute!!!!!!!

Tempting... tempting.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Stop the World I Want to Get Off

I think it's raining outside.  It looks like it is, and it's rained a little most days, so I'm gonna go ahead and assume that it is.

Or maybe I just feel it's raining in my heart because it is.  Not for any particular reason, just... every inparticular reason.  I'm heart-tired today.  I just want to be home and married again and everything regular and cozy.  I guess I didn't know how nice and easy and warm that life was, until now it's gone and it's too late.  I know I did what I had to do, it's not that I'm regretting, I'm just wishing it could all be magiced away for a little while.

It's kind of exhausting living in a country where you don't know what people are saying a lot of the time.  I mean, sometimes it's fun and cool and exciting, and sometimes it's just... I want to be able to pass somebody in the street and say 'hey how's it going' without feeling like an asshole for being that American who doesn't bother to talk their language.  Or sometimes, I'm in a coffee shop or whatever and the people in the line behind me are talking away and I'm like... are they talking about me?  And probably they aren't, because why would they be?  But they could be and it just makes me feel really sad and lonely.

Just for a moment, because I'm tougher than that.  I'm strong and independent and I'm doing the right thing starting a brand new life and it's going to be awesome, I just want a little breather.  Because today I'm sleepy.  I'm gonna curl up and watch bad reality tv and judge people who are prettier than me.  Then I'll go back and face the world tomorrow.

Oh Yeah

The open mike night I was going to go back to?

Damn, I hate to admit this... but I chickened out.  Yeah I know!  I was so set to go, but then... I dunno.  I was kind of intimidated by the Sarcastic Bartender Chicky, and even though I'm pretty tough and brave, going to a bar at night by myself was just a little bit step too far. 

Plus... okay this is going to sound kind of crazy, so can we keep it just between us m'kay?

I was a little scared to see him again.  I mean.  I have had SO much disappointment in my life lately, and he was just so awesome and perfect and mind-blowing, and I just wanted to keep that impression a little while, just for me.  You know?

I WILL track him down again, and I WILL NOT be disappointed, but I just wasn't in a place where I wanted to take a risk.  I don't know if staying in and watching TV in a bad mood is truly being kind to myself, but it is what needed to happen that night. 

But this is another week... we'll see how I feel.

Mystery Man a little longer...

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Last time on Tales of Södermalm... !

OhioGirl was dating/flinging/something with her trainer Erik, keeping her head held high and being strong in the wake of the betrayal of her husband, and generally starting an awesome new life here in Sweden.

This week...

Well.  The Erik thing kind of fizzled.  Rebounds always do I guess, and really, that's all he was.  I mean - hot.  Tall.  Funny, kinda, sometimes.  But seriously?  Sometimes you could hear the whistle of the wind between his ears, yaknowwhatImean?  And... okay, the whole alpha male thing maybe didn't work out so good for me with my marriage, because alpha males sometimes go off and fling with twinkies, but... I'm not exactly ready for a beta male.  I need a man, you know?  Unfortunately, I read an article about how those are an endangered species in Sweden, so that sucks.


Well Mystery Rockstar is a man, for sure, and I'm pretty sure Swedish.  But, it's not like my standards are super high or anything, but I definitely need a man whose name I know, or where to find him.  I don't see myself as high maintenance or anything, but those are non-negotiable.

New life?  Yeah, happening.  Slowly but surely.  Luckily things fizzled with Erik in such a way that we've been able to keep training (that's a plus side of a non complicated guy), so still getting my ass busted regularly which is almost starting to be fun now you don't get an ice cream headache just by going outside and breathing.  Work irons are in fire, little bit complicated visa wise, but it's just a case of fixing it.  And everything can be fixed!

Sun Party

Here is an upside of the long, dark, cold-doesn't-even-begin-to-cut-it-and-I'm-from-Ohio winter: when the sun starts to peek out in the spring, it's party time.

The last few weeks when I have been grocery shopping or running (more on that later) or rockstar detectiving (more on that later), I've been thinking that there is some kind of street party going on in Medborgarplatsen.   Because it's been chock full of people just hanging out, even on weekdays.  I'm an outdoorsy girl and I can totally understand that feeling of, omygoditssunnygetoutside!, so it's fun to see everybody else do that!

Because it's everybody.  Teenagers hanging about in packs, moms with pushchairs, old men (one smoking one of those long curvy pipes, another playing a guitar... I think they live there actually) quite a few younger men who are quite easy on the old eyes! 

Apparently Medborgarplatsen means "Civic Square" so I guess that makes sense.  It definitely makes grocery shopping more fun!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I Didn't Fall off a Cliff!

Hey everybody - so sorry I've been neglecting this blog the past few days - busy busy busy!  Big stuff to update, so stand by... !

Thank you so much for all the messages asking if I was okay - you guys rock big time!  Sorry I haven't been able to reply to emails, but you'll understand why soon...! xoxoxoxoxox