He's here. Asleep in our bed like nothing ever happened. We talked all weekend and didn't really say anything, but in the end I agreed to try to forgive him, whatever that means. He had time to think up his explanations by Friday, so the texts were from a girl at the office who has a crush and has been spoken to by HR because it's starting to get a little out of hand and he didn't want to worry me with it, and the perfume was from one of the clients who was female and sat near him.
But I don't know. He was scared, and that's not like him.
I think it scared him that I changed the locks. He was really grateful and emotional when I gave him a new key and it kind of made it clear what our relationship is for right now. I'm ALLOWING him an opportunity to make me forgive him, and it's his to blow. I think he'd forgotten who he married a little bit, and somehow it made it so I could dial the badassness back, so I started to listen, because he'd got it.
I didn't confront him with the thing I know about blog girl (Famous Guy isn't her only, basically), and I don't really know why. Keeping ammunition? Or scared that it would leave me no choice? Because that's the thing, really. That's why he's here right now: I'm not ready to not be married yet.
I don't know yet whether I buy all his promises and explanations but Friday was like I was standing at the edge of a cliff and this whole world of being single again was looming below me and I was excited and I kind of wanted to jump, but at the last second remembered I didn't have a parachute so decided to stay on solid ground for right now.
But I'm mad. I am so, so mad. It's like we have this new roommate and it's rotting and gargoyly and it stinks like hell and it sits there burbling in the corner. Sometimes this weekend it shrunk back a little bit, went out with its buddies and gave us a little space, but it lives here now and it's not moving out any time soon.