Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Jack Spratt Could Eat No Fat...

This is me and Eric out running.  Well in this picture, it looks like we're dancing or something, so just imagine that we're running.  Okay, I'm not as skinny as I used to be but not quite where she is.  But this is our height difference, I swear.

The guys here are SO different to American guys.  For a start, it would not surprise me to see a regular guy wearing this outfit, seriously.  They are crazy stylish compared to American men, and to start with, I was like -- uhh, do any of you like women?  But now I'm getting used to it.

A lot of them have long hair.  Like, a lot.  It's like, I know the whole viking thing was a big deal to you guys, but it was a long time ago, you need to move on.  Or at least get a new hairstyle.  I actually saw a guy yesterday with it half up, like this:

They wear these pants that, I swear, if they needed a medical examination of their man-bits, they wouldn't even have to take the pants off 'cause it's all right there.

See what I mean if you know what I mean...

Then they tuck the jeans into boots.  You read right: they tuck the jeans into their boots.  Which, okay, I do, but I am a woman.  Never in my whole life have I seen a man with his jeans tucked into his boots.  And they were sweater vests and button up sweaters and thick glasses like it's Dress Like Grandpa day - but somehow they are hot!

But skinny.  Skiinneeee.  I'd be afraid of breaking him, if ya know what I mean.

One day, I'm going to be out at Co-op or walking in the park and I'm going to catch eyes with this guy.  And I'll look away because I am married.  But then I'll look back, and he will still be looking at me, and I'll feel a flush creeping all over me because those piercing blue eyes are saying things.  So I'll nod, just the tiniest bit but he'll get it, and I'll start to walk, slowly at first then faster as I realise that yes, it's really happening, he is following me.  I'll get to my apartment and hesitate because, am I really going to do this?  Then I'll see him and know that I am.  And I'll open the door and leave it so he can follow, and we'll get into the elevator and not even look at each other but by now my heart will be racing and every pore in my skin will be tingling because he will be so close.  We'll get into my apartment and without speaking take our coats and boots off and walk into the kitchen.  He will sit at the table and I will think, here?  Really?  In the middle of the day.  But I can see the outline of his chest through his shirt and I have to.  I will take a deep breath, and walk right up to him, boldly, brazenly, and I will make him...
Eat a sandwich.

;-) ;-) ;-)


Desiree said...

Hi there, I think you got a real nice blog and I am looking forward to reading a lot more on it. Ha ha I totally agree with you about the Swedish guys/men. I am also wondering what it is all about with these guys that are super skinny and wear super tight and skinny pants. It's like every other guy seems gay. So many guys also wear red pants, never in the US I would have seen any guy wearing red pants.
I love your blog and I sure will be back for more reading.

Rex said...

Hey there! So all men seem Gay? Well,its because you live i Stockholm,its known as Gayville by the rest of us,Stockholm is not the real Sweden,be sure to visit other parts of our country aswell! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to think your blog is fake, surely it is impossible to be a grown woman and this ignorant? You moved to a different CONTINENT, for god's sake, did you REALLY think Sweden was going to be just like Kansas? Why not take this chance to broaden your mind and realize there are more ways than one to do things.

If, on the other hand, this blog is real, then you should ponder how a foreigner in Kansas, perhaps complaining about U.S. customs and the American way of life, would be treated by you and your compatriots.

Scary, huh?

OhioGirl said...

@ Desiree - colored pants! You are so right - I can't believe I forgot to write about the colored pants!! They deserve a whole blog of their own though. Thanks for visiting my blog, I hope to see you again soon!

OhioGirl said...

@ Rex Wow I didn't realize that, so Stockholm is like the San Francisco of Sweden, huh?! Definitely want to do some exploring soon!

OhioGirl said...

@ Annonymous Uhh, I don't really know what to say to you except:
1) Pants you can see junk in? Not complaining. No complaints from me at all there.
2) Don't know why you are talking about Kansas. I've never been to Kansas so it COULD be exactly like Sweden for all I know!
Thanks for stopping by!

Anonymous said...

Oops, Ohio. From a European viewpoint though: pretty much same-same.

OhioGirl said...

Umm okay, doesn't really make what you said make sense but whatever.

p.s. though, if I was going to yell at somebody and call them names I would at least use my real name... hypocritical much?

Rex said...

Spot on! Its called "Fjollträsk" by us more rural and,male men ;-)

God bless the US btw!

Anonymous said...

I don't know your name, so why should I tell you mine? Besides, our names are not important to this discussion. Also, I'm not yelling.

What I want to know is - how do you react to foreigners in the States that do nothing but complain about the U.S., how do you react to their constant compairing of US customs to the ones from their homeland, a compairing that always is won by the homeland?

What I'm asking for is a bit of nuance - of course I realize it is your blog, you nameless person you, and that you post to it whatever you want; it just makes me sad to see someone given the opportunity of living abroad totally waste it in this ignorant way.

Then again, perhaps the blog is your sad outlet, perhaps you are extremely open-minded, knowledgeable, and intelligent in real life.

And yes, I know I may stop reading at anytime, but then again, here's to hoping for nuance.

Anonymous said...

Hi Anonymous - I have to say, I kind of agree with you in principle, I would be really annoyed by a blog that did nothing but complain, but I don't think it's really fair to say that's what OhioGirl is doing here. Sure she complains sometimes, but she's mostly being funny and making fun of herself not getting stuff, I don't think you can say she's really that horrible about Sweden. I have to point out that there are lots of comments here (and on other posts) from Swedish people who don't seem to be as bothered as you are - maybe they can see the fun in it?

Amanda said...

So this is my take on american male fashion sense:

I don't know how much sense it makes via google translate, but the key phrase is "inexplicably ill-fitting jeans".

I guess it's a cultural thing that takes getting used to.

OhioGirl said...

Ha ha - great blog! And I totally agree with you - I dated a guy who was 6"5 and he wore jeans that bunched up at the bottom like they were way too long for him - I was like, you are taller than a ladder, WHO were those jeans designed to fit!!

Like I said before, jeans that show the goods take a little bit of getting used to, but not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all. Confident Swedish men are the way forward I say!