Sunday, February 27, 2011

Honesty Snow

The problem with snow that just lays on the ground for months and months, is that it shows all the grime of the city, and its dogs and its drunk people. Regular sidewalks don't show that stuff up, so you can pretend it's not there, but when there are great white piles of snow everywhere, you can't miss all the crap. I went for a big walk today, and I kept thinking that Stockholm right now needs one of those whiter than white washing powder commercials.

That's the problem with my life right now. If I couldn't actually see the dog pee and dirt and worse stuff in my marriage maybe I could pretend it wasn't there. But it's been snowing, and it's showing up all the nasty stains.

Or maybe our roomate is back, and he doesn't pay rent.

Or maybe I'm done with stupid metaphors and I lied about something this week to you guys and I'm sorry but I felt so stupid.

He's messed with me for the last time.

So it's done. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, or whatever. Again. Dammit.


BB13 said...

See, that's what I meant. You can't pretend it didn't happen. It did. And you have to find a way to deal with it. May it be either telling him the truth about what else you know or leave him behind and start a wonderful new life in the city they also call Nordic Venice. Believe me, it will make your heart lighter if you make a decision.

Anonymous said...

Since you're fessing up, what did you lie about? Did he not come home with that stuff?

Please don't feel stupid. You are human and when you love someone you want to believe in them even when all the signs are pointing otherwise.

I am a lurker at tpf, have been for a long time (they just make me laugh and laugh when I need it), and I found your blog in your siggy and enjoy reading it.

Please take care and keep your loyal readers updated. You can do this (whatever THIS is) because you are strong.


Zola24 said...

Oh **. Don't feel stupid, (we've all been there), and don't waste too much time looking back 'cos "could've, should've, didn't". The past is the past and can't be changed so don't dwell there. Move on. No-one knows where our life's choices will take us, we all just muddle along as best we can. I know you are in a bad place right now but you will get through this and come out stronger. And yes you will be fine. Small hesitant steps will soon turn into gigantic confident strides. You go girl.