Because it is really therapeutic to work it out in my head enough to write it up. Most of it at least, some is still a little raw to type. So thanks for being my virtual Fraiser Cranes!!
So, Thursday night shenanigans. I went back inside because I just didn't know what to do or say and I made myself a hot chocolate with marshmallows and stood in the kitchen with the lights off drinking it. I don't exactly know why, but that's what I did. I guess Soon To Be Ex left because when I looked out the window a little later he was gone. For a few moments I worried about if he had someplace to sleep that night, but then I caught myself and remembered that a) he did, that was the freaking problem and b) even if he didn't, it wasn't my problem.
So that was kind of that. I felt relieved, scared, exhilarated, numb all at the same time. I know we have to sit down and talk and do this right eventually, but I guess I knew at that minute that this couldn't be undone. We finally tipped over into No Going Back Land. There's no way that we could make up and in a little while be like, remember that night you locked me out and I yelled at you from the street and you laughed at me like a deranged hyena?
I might have said this in an earlier post or maybe I just thought it, but it's like we broke our leg a while back and have been taking Tylenol to pretend it didn't happen, but because the Tylenol doesn't actually fix the break it's just been getting worse and infected and gross and now it can't be fixed and the Tylenol doesn't cut it any more so finally we just got it amputated and now we can move on and get one of those cool fake legs like that guy in ER who could go running.
Which is probably the craziest analogy I've ever come up with, and if the makers of Tylenol are thinking of suing me for suggesting they couldn't fix my marriage let me make it clear it was a made up analogy and also I don't have any money so don't bother.