Friday, April 8, 2011

Stop the World I Want to Get Off

I think it's raining outside.  It looks like it is, and it's rained a little most days, so I'm gonna go ahead and assume that it is.

Or maybe I just feel it's raining in my heart because it is.  Not for any particular reason, just... every inparticular reason.  I'm heart-tired today.  I just want to be home and married again and everything regular and cozy.  I guess I didn't know how nice and easy and warm that life was, until now it's gone and it's too late.  I know I did what I had to do, it's not that I'm regretting, I'm just wishing it could all be magiced away for a little while.

It's kind of exhausting living in a country where you don't know what people are saying a lot of the time.  I mean, sometimes it's fun and cool and exciting, and sometimes it's just... I want to be able to pass somebody in the street and say 'hey how's it going' without feeling like an asshole for being that American who doesn't bother to talk their language.  Or sometimes, I'm in a coffee shop or whatever and the people in the line behind me are talking away and I'm like... are they talking about me?  And probably they aren't, because why would they be?  But they could be and it just makes me feel really sad and lonely.

Just for a moment, because I'm tougher than that.  I'm strong and independent and I'm doing the right thing starting a brand new life and it's going to be awesome, I just want a little breather.  Because today I'm sleepy.  I'm gonna curl up and watch bad reality tv and judge people who are prettier than me.  Then I'll go back and face the world tomorrow.


D said...

Hang in there. Add some chocolate to that bad tv and all will be right again. :-)


Anonymous said...

I agree. Chocolate helps everything ;)

OhioGirl said...

Yeah it did! xoxo