Another new season here in Stockholm. My third since I moved here, although technically I was here for spring which would make it my fourth, but I dunno, I think I missed it. Maybe I blinked or something because basically, it was winter until about May, then suddenly it was summer, which was great. But now it's over and there's a chill in the air but no snow so I guess it's fall.
My second season not being married. Well okay legally, I still am, but in my heart I am definitely a single gal again. It took a while. For a really long time I bought enough groceries for two, including stuff that I don't really like but he does. And I still bought it, then a few weeks later when it was mouldy chucked it out. And then forgot again and bought it again the next time I went to the store.
I kept an eye on baseball scores all summer so I would know what kind of mood he would be in when he got home, then I remembered he wasn't going to come home. I slept on my side of the bed for a long while, then one day realized I could stretch out in the middle and never looked back.
There were times I got so lonely I could scream. I spent the summer walking among all these people who all know each other and are in couples and wondered if anybody would ever talk to me again.
Swedes are hard work to really get to know. You keep thinking you're there, you're close, then you get reminded all over again that they have people in their lives that are way more important than you'll ever be and you just have to suck it.
I think they prioritize people by how long they have known them. If it's between me and somebody they knew at school, I lose every time and so I have no chance. This is a pretty unimaginitve way to deal with people if you ask me - I definitely wouldn't consider the people I knew in high school to be automatically more important than someone really amazing I just met, but I guess that's just reason # 7,676,339,982 I will never be Swedish. And also, most of the people I went to high school with are assholes.