Monday, September 19, 2011

Just because it's sunny doesn't mean it isn't Fall

Another new season here in Stockholm.  My third since I moved here, although technically I was here for spring which would make it my fourth, but I dunno, I think I missed it.  Maybe I blinked or something because basically, it was winter until about May, then suddenly it was summer, which was great.  But now it's over and there's a chill in the air but no snow so I guess it's fall.

My second season not being married.  Well okay legally, I still am, but in my heart I am definitely a single gal again.  It took a while.  For a really long time I bought enough groceries for two, including stuff that I don't really like but he does.  And I still bought it, then a few weeks later when it was mouldy chucked it out.  And then forgot again and bought it again the next time I went to the store.   

I kept an eye on baseball scores all summer so I would know what kind of mood he would be in when he got home, then I remembered he wasn't going to come home.  I slept on my side of the bed for a long while, then one day realized I could stretch out in the middle and never looked back. 

There were times I got so lonely I could scream.  I spent the summer walking among all these people who all know each other and are in couples and wondered if anybody would ever talk to me again. 

Swedes are hard work to really get to know.  You keep thinking you're there, you're close, then you get reminded all over again that they have people in their lives that are way more important than you'll ever be and you just have to suck it.

I think they prioritize people by how long they have known them.  If it's between me and somebody they knew at school, I lose every time and so I have no chance.  This is a pretty unimaginitve way to deal with people if you ask me - I definitely wouldn't consider the people I knew in high school to be automatically more important than someone really amazing I just met, but I guess that's just reason # 7,676,339,982 I will never be Swedish.  And also, most of the people I went to high school with are assholes.


Kalaslotta said...

But hey! You havent been in the country that long, not even a year.

Getting friends takes a bit longer than that, you can get to know people on the surface but REALLY get to know them takes longer, dont you agree?

When I moved to CT (to a very expat popular town)the americans didnt see me. I was "only yet another expat" to them. I was air to them.

I worked my ass of to get to know them and when they realized that Im NOT an expat that we r here to stay, then they let me in.

Or, some of them I would say. Some never lets you in, religion, believes and just not american are some of the reasons I think.

I think you need to be more patient, think about it, your first months in Sweden hasnt been a walk in the park for you and maybe you need to ground your self again before you are open enought for people to let you in.

Give it some more time.

Oh, btw, I have tones of friends from High school but the ones that Im close with are the new friends that I found the last 10-15 years. I still love my childhood friends but we grow apart in so many ways.

Dont forget that Stockholm is a really small town and that swedes hardly ever move. Thats why they still their HS friends...

Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

What Kalaslotta said. And no, they don't chose their friends according to how long they have known them, but according to how close friends they are. But you can hardly be close friends with someone after less then a year, give it time. And remember that ypy are the new one, you have to work for it. Doesn't mean they don't like you.

BB13 said...

I agree with both previous posters. Give it time. Though I'd say women are more approachable than men. At least that's my experience. When you're longer there I'm sure you'll find friends that you'll be close with one day. Maybe it's the other way around and they think you're an American, she will leave soon. Why making an effort? So I think you have to prove that you'll stay.
Btw, love your new background pic. I think I know where that's taken.

antropologa said...

I think even the friends they have known forever they don't see them that often by American standards.