So where were we...

Oh yeah...

I get into the bar, and am right away confronted by the kind of Södermalm people that just make the whole world seem really uncool.  The kind of people I want to run up to and shout 'so what if I like sneakers - they're comfortable!  And I wear colors sometimes!  Sue me!'.  But usually I don't, because they're also about 8 feet tall (and in those crazy biker boot things they wear, probably nearly 9) so they're kind of intimidating.

So I mostly wanted to turn and run away, but I'd come this far so I gritted my teeth and approached the bar.  There's a guy and a girl - both have about the same length hair and the same amount of make up and piercings as each other.  And his jeans were so tight a doctor could have checked his boy bits for lumps just by eye-balling the jeans, and I realized I have more fat in my right arm than in her entire body so that was great too.

I asked them if they spoke English, and they were like 'of course'.  Of course!  Well okay, but you probably would have treated me like a a-hole if I just started talking English to you, so I think it's polite to check so don't give me a hard time, okay?  I ploughed on.

I described the Rockstar as best  I could, and they exchanged looks (way, way) over my head that I didn't need to speak Swedish to know that they were thinking not so complimentary things about this crazy fangirl American.  Then they shrugged in that elegant Swedish way and said that it could be about 8 people who play regularly, but there was another open mike night this Thursday which I was welcome to come to.  I drew up the last of my pride and courage and thanked them, and said I would see them then.  The girl said she couldn't wait.  I may be American, but I know sarcasm, you skinny pierced *&^$£^^£. 

So anyway.  Thursday it is.

Fangirl

After the events of this afternoon I was a leeeeetle wee bit afraid this was who I had become.  But then I found this:

Phew.  Am waaaaaay older than the defined age range, and also the Rockstar is a real person who exists.  And I'm not exactly known for shrieking, like a bat or even not like a bad.  So we're good.

Could somebody tell the staff at the bar that please?  *cringing*

Like I said before, I am a music fan first and foremost.  I don't want to run after this guy shrieking, I could give a you-know-what who he's dating or maybe dating or what he eats for breakfast or what color his underwear is, seriously.  But I would kind of like to know his name! 

So I went to the bar where we saw the open mike night.  It was one of those shadowy areas of Södermalm where I can believe what Erik tells me about it being scummy not so long ago.  It gets kind of narrow and steep so there's no open spaces to see much more than a block in front of you, and there's goth kids smoking in doorways (you can so see how the character Salander was supposed to grow up here) and you wouldn't be all that surprised if a vampire was around or something.   Anyway.

I found the bar again all by myself (*high fives self* *realize look like crazy person... clapping*), and even though it wasn't properly open yet because it was still afternoon, but they were getting a delivery of beer or something, so the doors were open.  So I just popped in to have a little look-see.

I thought maybe there would be a poster or something so I'd recognize the guy, get the info I needed and be on my merry way.  But of course there wasn't!  So I slip down these rickety stairs (guess people don't sue for health and safety stuff too much in places like t his!!) and find myself in this little dark, not literally smoky but has that feel, bar. 

It was light out of course because it was day so didn't have quite the atmosphere and you could see it was little dingier than I remembered, but still... I got a little frisson of excitement.  Because I knew he'd been here.

Detectiving...

Unfortunately my "friend" doesn't remember the Rockstar - men!  He calls himself a music fan!  So I need to do a little detectiving to find out more... he's got to be playing again soon, I definitely need to check him out!

His music is kind of bluesy dance rock, like more Rolling Stones than Oasis, you know - really smart and driving and S E X Y.  The kind of music you'd play if you wanted to seduce somebody on a sweaty summer's night and never learn their name... you know that kind of music?

I can't even believe I just posted that !  *blushing*

I can't even remember exactly what he looks like, I just remember this mass of charisma on this tiny stage in a crappy underground bar.

Think I might a walk by that bar and see if the staff know anything... that's not too crazy... right???

Stuff...

I feel a teensy bit stupid about this, but I don't actually know the guy's name (YET)!  It was a open mike night, I went with a "friend" of mine who wanted to show off hometown live music, so I was a leeeeeetle distracted until the Rockstar came on and blew me away... then I was a leeeeetle distracted from my "friend" - argh how do I get myself in these complicated situations!  But it's all fun.  I haven't had so much fun in a while!

It's springtime here in Stockholm (Rain?  What rain?  I know nothing about no stinkin' rain!!) and it's so beautiful and it feels like the right time of year to be starting a new life, you know?  I wonder if the sh*t had gone down with that dude I was once married to in November or something, I would have just sat around quietly on my hands waiting for spring to start fresh - because it really feels right.  Luckily for everybody, it happened when it did. 

18 billion years ago, I was a cheerleader (yeah, yeah, I was *that* girl - I own it!) and we used to get drilled on our routines down to the last second (this is the bit that we never get credit for - everybody sees the cute outfits and the lip gloss and thinks that's all we are, it's an athletic sport I can tell you!).  Anyway, the coach always used to preach timing, timing, timing - if you were a second out, you or your teammate could fall on their face.  So maybe something of that timing I learned got drilled into me, and I even managed to end my marriage at the right time!

Talking of which, there is a rumor going around that it was his decision not mine to end things - just to make it really clear, I threw him out.  Period.  I don't know where weird internet haters with nothing better to do get their intel, but he did not leave me.  His actions made me do it sure, but I heard his begging and anybody who says different can go do something I'm to polite to post here on my blog.  Were you there?  I don't think so.

Update

So I haven't been posting much about the D I V O R C E because not a whole lot is happening.  My lawyer is talking to his lawyer and I'm mostly trying not to think about it.  Because it's damn sad and sucky and horrible and, like I keep saying, I'm all about being positive.  I had to take a stand against stuff I just wasn't going to put up with but still.  I married the guy for life at least I thought I did.  But anyway, he wasn't who I thought he was so I guess I married somebody for life who doesn't exist.

You know what I always wondered about this song?  Why she spells the kid's name out.  I mean, he probably knows his own name.

The guy

Don't panic every body, I haven't gone crazy!

I just went to check out an open mike night with a friend, and one of the artists there blew me away and maybe I got a little hot and bothered for a minute!  But seriously, it was about the music.  And rock music is all about the s-e-x, amiright?  So they are closely interlinked and I don't deny having a little moment, but mostly I just thought wow - I've seen a new stadium star.  And that really excites me, you know?   As a real music fan, actually being present at the birth of an artist that is going to dominate the world  (uhh, not his actual birth, that would be weird and I imagine his mom wouldn't appreciate a random American popping into the hospital and being like 'hey!  big fan!  mind if I watch?).  This guy has more passion and talent in his little finger that most of who I see on MTV these days and I am super psyched that I'm getting to be there at the beginning.

Already searching for more deets on who this guy is and where he's playing next, so keep posted!!

More proof Swedish people are different

So I'm hearing about how at certain special parties in the summer, you have to sing a song about the drink before you drink it.

They're even organized enough to have song books and song sheets about the liquor songs. 

Can you imagine any Americans holding off on a drink to get the song sheet out and have a little tune?  We're more of a down it now, sing about it later kind of people.

The List

Okay, I don't have a picture of this guy, so I need to describe him.

Hot.

That's basically it.  Not even that handsome, exactly, more... hotter than that, if that makes sense.  Just... makes me think things a grown up woman probably shouldn't be thinking.  Or blushing.  Or drooling.  Damn.

He's a musician. I know, I know!  been there and got the T shirt, but it's not like I'm actually going to go there ever.  Way too much on my plate thank you, and I already have a guy that's complicated enough.  Oh and, do I vaguely remember something about an a-hole ex?  Just vaguely, a distant memory that doesn't mean anything even if he's shacking up with the twinky (when did I get old and bitter enough to say things like twinky?  Seriously!  But if you could see her, you would know what I mean.  anyway)

But he's pretty to look at when I go to "appreciate the music".  Support the arts.  Rock fans make the world go round.  Or something.

On a happier note...

I love this guy.  It's reasons like this I'm staying Sweden!

Funny drunk TV presenters.  What?  It's a reason! 

Not the only one... ;-)

Don't think So

So I'm just gonna come out and say this.

This blog is a POSITIVE place for POSITIVE people.  Yeah, I put my life out there but I don't judge anybody and I expect the same RESPECT back.  If you're somebody that wants to judge and pick holes in the life of a stranger you don't even know, well okay, but don't come back here because we don't want you.  You don't know anything about me, but I can tell a lot about you from how you think and what you put out into the world.  And don't think I don't know who you are because I'm a lot of things but I aint dumb.

I never deleted a comment before and I hope I don't have to again, but like I said this is a POSITIVE place and it's gonna stay that way.

You reap what you sow, just remember that.

Ska vi gå fitta?

*sigh*

This language is tough to keep straight.

Girls girls girls

Okay, I wouldn't really call myself a feminist.  I mean, I like to shave (well not like it's an activity I look forward to, but you know what I mean) and I do like men even if not always the ones in my life right at this second and even though I get angry sometimes it's usually about something specific not just generally being angry all the time.

But sometimes, I really despair for young women today.  It's not even like I'm all that old, but they seem to have changed, you know?  Or is it just me?  When I was in school, it was all about being all you can be (though not necessarily joining the army) and having a career that didn't depend on men and whatnot, and this new generation just seem so... silly.  Okay, I went into entertainment a little bit myself (and might be again) but that was still having a job on my own merits that could be tough sometimes, not floating around "modelling" and going to parties and being defined by their love life.  It's just depressing.

Is this what feminism was about?  For young women to have the choice to seem like they're not really all there and call it empowerment?

Good Moron

Which I guess is better than being a bad moron, right?

It's crazy the little things that get you about not really understanding the language around you.  I'm trying to learn, and I am picking up little things, like how to ask for coffee or say 'excuse me' (even though I'm about the only person in Stockholm that uses the second one, they don't seem to consider knocking into somebody something worthy of acknowledgment).  Problem is, if I manage to ask for the coffee semi correctly, the person comes to the conclusion that I speak some Swedish and asks if I want cream or tells me how much it is in Swedish and I'm like "... what now?"  But anyway, baby steps.

What's funny though, is that there's some words that sound like English but mean something totally different.  Or even just a little bit different, enough to be a little bit funny.  Like, the word "lång" means tall.  But if a certain personal trainer tells me that he's really long, I'm not the only one to blush and get the giggles, right... ?  Or if someone yells 'stop' which is "sluta", certain American gals with very high morals might get a a little offended!

Or, 'good morning' is "god morgon" (uhh, yeah, you don't need to know who said good morning to me... right?) but sounds like "good moron", which, like I said, is better than a bad moron...

The people asked...

Okay, one commenter asked, but maybe other people wondered!

Erik.

Man, I don't know.  There is something there, we both know it and sometimes it really flickers to life but then he goes weird or I realize this is more than I can handle so it kind of dwindles down until we see each other the next time and it's like, damn.  You are hot.

Imagine in sweats and kind of longer, messier hair and even more adorkable because he's not a hot actor who has to know how hot he is, but a real regular Södermalm guy who really doesn't seem to have any clue.

I'm getting the impression that he has those regular hot guy issues with women/commitment, and doesn't really know if he's coming or going, so it's not that he doesn't like me (that's clear enough) but it might come down to me not really having the patience to deal with this kind of adolescent shit.  Maybe it's a Swedish thing or just a dating thing and it's been so long I've forgotten, but I'm just like, can we be grown ups here a little bit?

So it's not not happening, but it's up in the air how much it's happening.

Clear?  Good.  Could somebody explain it to me, please?

Tubes Glorious Tubes

Was in the grocery store today (it's bad that I've discovered another one closer to my apartment but I still like the one I saw Stellan Skarsgård in 'cause it's cool... it's Grocery Shopping with the Stars), and I was standing there holding a tube of something and my Swedish dictionary, trying to figure out what the heck it was. 

 Now, in other countries, there's a limit to what foodstuffs are likely to be found in a tube, right?  It's going to be some sort of condiment... right?  Wrong.  I swear you could make an entire meal in Sweden just by squirting stuff onto your plate.

I have some cousins in the Pacific Northwest, and I once described their personal style as "always ready for unexpected hiking".  Swedish food is kind of "always ready for an unexpected trip to space".

Don't forget your helmet

Okay this just cracks me up.  Does anybody else get a mental picture of a bunch of huge guys with spears and horn helmets and whatnot lining up with their passports and tickets... just me?

Är Du Gift?

Well no, Sweden, not any more actually, thanks to you!

A while ago, I posted about some porn I had seen in a store window, and basically got half the population of Sweden commenting to tell me to chill out and not be so prudish and anyway Americans are really violent and that's much worse.  And I was like, okay sure, different cultures are different, maybe Americans are uptight about sex a little bit? 

But at least we don't have commercials telling people to have affairs.

I've been seeing these all over Stockholm the last few days, and I was like, no, that doesn't say what I think it does... right?  I mean, "ha en affär" doesn't exactly take a translation genius to figure out, but I just though I had to have got it wrong.

Except it turns out I didn't.  Yep, these commercials that are everywhere (seriously, you can't miss 'em unless you walk around with your eyes shut... and why would you do that?) and they say "are you married?  Live a little - have an affair".  They are for a dating agency.  For married people.

Now, I'm all for being free and open about sex and chill with being naked and experimenting and kinky stuff if that's what consenting adults want to do on their own time, but I draw the line at encouraging adultery.  There's just no excuse for that, and I have serious questions about a culture that's okay with it.

You can't help but see how a certain good old American boy who had been stand up and committed and respected the institution of marriage got off the plane here and was like "party time". 

Sunshine!

After yesterday's snow-dump, it's beautiful blue skies and sunny today.  Am going exploring... !

Coopweger split... called it!

Hah!  Not to be smug and cynical about love (who me?) I can't help but remember just last week I mentioned I never bought Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger.  Just something always a little bit "off" about the whole thing when they first came out - remember the Spain trip which was the premiere of The Hangover there, but she kind of tagged along and they were "caught" having breakfast?

I mean come on!  his hair is even "just got out of bed with this woman I'm now having breakfast with mussed" - could it be any more staged?  Who doesn't brush their hair before going down to  breakfast in a hotel!

And how tall is the paparazzi who took this photo?  Or did he bring a ladder?  How did they not notice the dude on the ladder?

And then there was the finger in the back pocket shot I talked about before which, I'm telling you, is a dead giveaway!  Neither person gets anything out of a touch like that, it's all about telegraphing to the world 'hey I get to touch this person's butt, what does that tell you.... huh? ... huh??'  Couples do that in high school, because dating in high school is more about letting everyone know you're dating this person, rather than just really wanting to touch the fabric of their jeans because pockets are so hot.

 And then remember the whole PR blast about him "choosing" Jennifer Aniston and her heart being broken, and it was like 'please'?

Well hey Mr Pap - we didn't see you there!

But after a pap fest of them being "caught" together but never exactly hand holdy obvious couply, it all went quiet for like a year and I started to think maybe I was wrong.  Maybe it was just weird how they got together but if they're just quietly hanging out together ever since then maybe it got real or maybe it seemed weird but it wasn't really.  Like these pictures when they were just wandering around (Vancouver?  Maybe) together, not being weird about not being in the same frame together, just being low-key and normal, it was like... okay they hang out like regular people.  Maybe he really did break Jennifer Aniston's heart and they find jeans pockets hot.

Until they "broke up".

The same week as his movie comes out.

And claimed that there had been break up rumors for weeks.  Except there hasn't.  Not saying I'm a serious gossip addict or anything, but if there were break up rumors anywhere, I'd have seen them.  If anything, the rumors have been that they're serious enough to finally come out.  Not been one whisper about them breaking up other than People last night claiming that there have been whispers.

So anyway.  Just saying...

A little notion...

To check out some live music.  Any recommendations?